It seems he’s got a bad case of it. He’s having a hard time learning how to read and make his letters. Megan has it, too, but nobody knew it when she was young. They never picked up on it. They found out when she went to college and then they had to give her textbooks on CD’s and gave her tests orally. She still has a problem with numbers and letters. But it seems like Jamie’s is worse because they noticed when he was only in the first grade because he had trouble making the letters in his name. Megan had to take him through a lot of testing and appointments with the school to get him a tutor. Hopefully, with the extra attention he will get better. It’s been hard, though. You see, when you are a little boy and your dad is not around it hurts bad.
Even though Megan is with another man, he accepts that man because he is little. But it isn’t the same as having your own dad. When Megan and I were together, her other kids, Alex and Alyssa accepted me, not just because I was with Megan, but because I loved her, and them. When I was young my dad wasn’t there, but I didn’t accept anyone else even though there were other men in my mom’s life. Do you see where I’m going? Some dads have a chance, but not many. Some men try to be a dad and some don’t. Some don’t care about other men’s kids. They don’t feel any responsibility to them and they don’t love them. But I love all Megan’s kids. I think of all of them as mine. I wish I knew more about how they are doing. I want Jamie to know that even though I can’t be there every day I love him so much. I care how he is doing in school. I wish I could know more about how his school day is and what he is learning. I hope his writing gets better so he can write to me, even if it is only a sentence or two. That would make me happy. But I can tell you, I could never accept my son bonding with another man. I am his father, his only father.
I should be able to see Jamie once or twice a month. What’s twice a month? Is that too much to ask? I have seen him so little. I want to be able to talk to him. I want him to see me. I want to tell him how important he is to me. I understand we have to get to know each other through letters, but the thing is, he’s only seven. You and I understand the rough road in life and we can explain things in letters. Jamie can’t do that. But he is important so I have to find a way to get through to him. I need to change things for him so he never goes through what I’m going through. I can start that by changing who I am. Change the karma. That will affect his life, too.