( Sonni’s note: This is not the letter below, but is instead the next letter I’ll post. Jamie is from Nacogdoches, Tx and this prison is all the way across to the other side. Texas is a big state. For Megan with the kids and his mother to visit it would take 3 days. It seems quite often as though the prison system tries to separate the inmates from their family. It’s like another way to make it harder on them. I have read many times of this being done. Mothers separated from their sons and daughters and husbands from wives. Considering there are 110 prisons at last count in Texas. Quite a lot don’t you think? After a few years in that prison he was sent back across Texas, but to prison far south, in Beeville. After a few years there they sent him closer to home, forty five minutes from his mother and a two hours away from his son, but still, visits have been minimal. He hasn’t seen his son in a year and a half, but his mom did go visit him on his birthday in January. An SGI member -Melvin – from a Buddhist organization, visits every couple months to keep him encouraged to have a positive attitude and plan for is future. I have hundreds of these letters. They have been his life line, but my lifeline as well. When I was so sick for a few years I always knew he cared, and it gave him someone to care about. Both of us were in prisons of our making. Effects of causes we made. It was time to make better causes – better choices.
At the end of your own day, how would you feel if there was no one who cared? No one you could write to or call about your day? Getting to know this man through these letters and knowing his mind is not that of a criminal, and knowing that someone has to be there to help him develop a life for himself, inside and outside, because when he gets out, society will not be waiting with open arms, ready to give him a second chance. Quite the opposite. And that effects their survival rate on the outside. 71% of all parolees end up back in prison within 5 years because they have no way to take care of themselves. They never learned a new way to live and even though most parolees are determine it is going too be different when they get out they don’t have a way to make that work. No one wants to hire them or rent to them, so they resort to old habits to live. they are looked at as worthless or dangerous, even if they weren’t inside for a violent crime. This is our fault. The prison’s fault. If an inmate serves his time he should be able to begin a life and not looked down on. We do that – society This is why I am writing a book (first chapter)about him based on these letters. The original title was “InsideOut” and recently changed to “Inside the Forbidden Outside.” Please follow this blog to find out how he’s doing and/or fill out the contact sheet below for the email list to only get posts about new chapters and to find out when it will be published. There is a media file on some posts that have original, improvised piano recordings of music I’ve composed for Jamie that I hope to have included with the book.)
Good morning. How are you? Fine I hope. As for me, Well, so far things are Okay. Sorry it’s taken so long to write back. I’ve been moved to a different pod. I got my G4 so I’m waiting to be moved again to where the other G4’s are. I also had to find some paper. I got this from an officer. I was waiting on the paper you were going to send. Could you send me two pads of paper so it will last me for a while?
(Sonni’s note: Jamie did get a 12 pack of writing pads I sent before he was moved to another prison and an officer stole it from his belongings, along with books, letters and pictures. He said there was no point in filing a claim because not only was he in a different prison, there was no proof he had these things in the first place.)
I read your letter a few times cause I wanted to understand everything. Yes, a lot of things happen in life. But who said we’re perfect? We make mistakes. It’s a part of life. Learning from those mistakes is what counts. No, no one has a perfect life, but all we can do is try our best. A lot of people feel they have are supposed to have a perfect life only to find out later they don’t. Not everyone has the opportunity to live the life they want. but life, as some of us know is what hurt and kills them. Challenges, we should try to overcome them. Some do and some don’t.
When I found out about you being in the hospital I did something I really don’t do. I prayed, but I didn’t know to who. I was just doing it. At the same time, I knew things would come out fine. For you, and you are woman of faith. Your faith in the teachings of Buddhism. So yes, I worried, just as the rest of the family did. The outcome of your surgery came out fine. Don’t get me wrong, I chanted as well. Nam myoho renge kyo. Strange words but I try to understand the best I can what it means to practice with magazine and newspapers that come all the time. ( the World Tribune and Living Buddhism) Try to keep faith. There’s a lot of people care and that’s what is good. It hurts to know so many peoples lives are at stake because they have to wait a long time on a liver transplant. It hurts to know so many people die, especially kids. It’s not right. You said you needed the confidence. Confidence comes from within., even during the surgery. I wish I was out at that time. I would have made sure to be there. Everyone has challenges we all have to overcome. This just happens to be your challenge. This happens to be mine.
I haven’t overcome my challenges because I’m going up and down with my problems. I’m waiting on the pieces in my life to come together. You say, sometimes we really want something and it will make us happy. I know if I can see my family, better yet, be with them, I’ll be happy. But for some reason, I can’t have that. I understand your situation. Yes, it would be better if you only needed the transplant. It hurts to know you are going through so much afterward. The device sounds good if it will help with the pain. I know you are strong and independent as well. But I’ll do my best to stay away from the trouble. I promise you.
Okay, here’s the difference between ad seg and G4. In ad seg everything comes to you, like food. You only come out of your cell for one hour a day or for medical, and you’re in hand cuffs everywhere you
go. In G4 they let us out to watch TV and go to rec with each other. Say about 84 people. We get to walk to the chow hall, which is what I need to stretch my legs. That’s really it, but now that I think of it, I don’t think I’m going to go. There’s this lady feeding chow. She’s mad cause I told her she needs to have a hair net on because it’s policy. So, to cover her ass she told the Stg I threatened her. So I might not go to chow. But fuck it, I’m tired anyway. I’m tired of starting over.
A couple days later – I went to the UCC today and talked to the warden. He asked what happened and I told him. He said he was going to give me another chance. Inmates are always wrong in every case. There is no justice in prison. I thanked him and walked out. It’s okay, as of right now I’m not in any trouble. I’ll do my best to stay away from it. But as you know, I’m around a lot of other people (gangs). From what I was told the officers trip about any small thing. Shoes not tied right. Anything.
I went to the doctor today. ( Sonni”s note: I pay $100 a year for him to be able to see a doctor when he needs to, especially because of his epilepsy. The quality of that medical is substandard. I read of one doctor who wouldn’t get within 5 feet of any inmate for fear of “catching” something. How can you diagnose anything with actually feeling the area that causes the symptom. The remedy for chest pains is to drink more water. medical care is costly and the more they spend on it the less money there is for the corporation supplying the care. There are many lawsuits against these corporations like Corizon who owns many of the prissons across the country, but I suppose paying the lawsuit is less than what the care would have What little I can send him for commissary, they take half of it until it’s paid for. His family has never helped.)
It’s my left leg and knee. It swell up big. It’s an up and down kinda thing. The doctor says it’s my joints, Arthritis. Would arthritis make my leg swell up, too? It hurts bad. But I guess it’s just something I have to deal with.
Well, till next time, I love you. Love always, Son