November 3, 2011
I’m sorry about just now writing back. Things have been crazy these past few weeks. We’re on lockdown right now. They’ve been looking for weapons, drugs and phones. A lot of inmates have been tested for drugs and coming up dirty. It’s crazy mom, because so many different drugs come through this unit. It’s the officers that’s bringing it in, but if someone tells on the officer they get punished.
Okay now, I got moved from E pod 76 cell to 49. Now get this – 49 cell is in the corner. On top of that the dude next to me has seizures, too. I don’t know if it’s from epilepsy like me. Just yesterday, on the second I had a seizure. It was in the morning when it happened. Later that night, after I went to sleep I woke up to get a drink. I called to him to check on him because there’s a hole in our wall we can talk through. He never answered so I thought he must be asleep. However, right when I went to lay back down I heard him fall and hit his head. I called for the officer and asked others to help. We started kicking the doors asking for help. When they came, his mouth was all busted up. Blood was everywhere. Like I said, it’s crazy right now. Get this, mom – he called me through the hole. He says to me, “look”. When I looked I saw he done cut himself with a razor. I got help again by kicking the door. I don’t think he’s all there in the head. I’ve only been in this cell one day and it’s stressful. I can be asleep and then I’d get up to check on him, or if I’m asleep he starts hitting the wall and I would get up just to make sure he’s okay or if I need to get him help again.
I’m really thankful that you tried to help me get a visit with you son. I think I was just so looking forward to it. But hey, it’s not the first time I didn’t get a visit I thought was coming so don’t worry about it okay. It would have been nice to see him, but I understand why he couldn’t come. At least he got some time to spend with Megan and the kids. I’m really glad that Jamie got some time to spend with his uncle. It’s hard when work takes you out on the road so much and you can’t be home with your wife and kids. I understand that a lot. But he has to do what he has to do to take care of his family.
Sorry about what happened at home. Wow, that was some cuss words you used! That was very shocking. Lets just say I never thought you would use words like that. But then again when I sometimes imagine the way you said them, I laughed. I remember the letter when you wrote about someone putting something in the kool-aid because they were acting crazy. lol. Sorry, it was just funny.
Snow, I would love to see it! Eight inches! I’ve never seen snow before. I’ve seen a little ice here and there. I’d love to stay somewhere it snows. I just know it’s a beautiful sight.
How is Megan doing? I still haven’t heard anything from her. I’m worried about her as well. Please try once more to get her to write. If she doesn’t I feel as she wants me to leave her alone.
I love the books, mom. Thanks. Here’s a few things from the book we both have: (1)When the going gets tough – Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but of sometimes playing a poor hand well. (2) A way of action – Real understanding comes from doing. Only action has the power to turn knowledge into wisdom. (3) We have seen the enemy and it is (with in) us. (4) Life has cycles. whatever goes up comes down, and what falls can rise gain. (4) Riding the natural cycles – Some of us interpret rough times as divine justice – a punishment from God. I’d like to say that it isn’t God that punishes us. We get opportunities to balance our life and to learn.
I want you to know how much I appreciate you being there. I wouldn’t know anything about my son without you telling me. Please ask Megan again to write.
I love you, Son
PS Tell Megan I understand if she’s too tired to write and if she needs more time.
(Sonni’s note: It’s hard to wait and wait for people to write. He gives them excuses because it’s hard to think they don’t want to write – that he doesn’t matter anymore. It would take so little time to buy a card, write a few lines, slap a stamp on it and mail it. Nothing has changed since then and it’s been another three years. There are people in my life who don’t understand why I do this for him – write this blog and now the book. It all began because no one was writing to him and I knew how much my letters meant to him. It’s discouraging to write letters to your family and not hardly get anything in return. Do they even wonder how he buys the stamps. It grew into a relationship of each of us holding the other up when we needed it.
I know when he gets out it will be like throwing him to the wolves. How can he know how to do even the simple things in life if he’s never done it before? How does he live a successful. There is much we take for granted. I want him to have the chance to find out what he can do. Go to school. Support himself and help raise his son. In that aspect, I am his mother. That is what a mother does. He doesn’t want much. Who will be there for him? His family? So I keep writing to him and writing the book “Inside the Forgotten Outside”. I constantly strive to learn the things I need to do for this venture to be successful. It is mind boggling. But like I tell Jamie, it all starts with having a dream. Then you work at it every day and visualize it being completed. Don’t let doubt get in the way. Believe in yourself. Your mind is powerful. It will find a way to make it happen. You either think you can or you think you can’t, and either way you go is right, because that is the way it will happen. Taking a positive direction will have a positive effect.
I have several sayings I repeat often. Here is one of them. “The only legacy we can leave behind at the end of our life is the affect we had on other people.” Then they affect other people. That is how we live on. I live my life with that in mind. If what I do helps this man, then he will be a better father to my grandson and teach him the things he needs to know. If I were to do nothing, what do you think the end result of that would be? That end result scares me.