April fool’s day! Except I think it’s been me who has been the fool. But I pray that you’re okay, as well as Megan and the kids. Things have been real scary the past few weeks. I’ve been through a lot. It’s been hard because I feel as though everyone has given up on me. No one writes to check on me, or even to say hi. I’ve lost faith in them and myself as well. I have been so down.
I’ve been getting into trouble. I feel there’s no reason to try anymore. I feel this way because I don’t even know how my little Jamie is doing. The way things are going I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to see or hear from him again. It hurts me to sit and think like this, but as time passes and I don’t hear anything, the worst comes to mind.
I’ve sat in my cell and cried so many times because my heart is telling me I’m losing him. Also, because the thought of my family giving up on me is really hard to take. I guess it was just a matter of time, really, to tell the truth. I don’t plan on making it home. It’s hard to not look for the worst of things in here. Lord knows, I want to make it home to everyone, but why go back to a place where no one loves or cares about you. Then I just know little Jamie will hate me for not being there for him. I felt the same way about my dad. It’s really going to hurt me to have my only child hate me.
But how are you? Is everything okay? I thought I would give you some time before I wrote again. I know you must be tired and have other things you’d like to do. However, as long as you are blessed and okay, then I am okay as well. How is Megan?. Tell her I miss her and I really would like to hear from her. Well, I’m out of time. I hope I hear from you real soon. Love you. Tell Megan and the kids I love them. Would you ask Megan if she would call my brother and see if he can send some money for hygiene products please.
(Sonni’s note: Is there any question about why I am doing this? Writing this blog and book? I hope someday his family reads this and if it will even matter to them? I hope they feel bad for all the things they didn’t do. He has written so many unanswered letters. People get back what they give. If family can’t be there for you when you need it most what kind of family is that? If there is one thing I have learned well, it is to not expect your family to actually be there for you when you need them. You might be related by blood, but it doesn’t mean they love you enough to show it. When you need them the most, they have nothing to give.
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