January 28, 2010
I love you mom. There’s no reason for the apologies. I understand you’ve been back and forth to the hospital so it’s okay mom. Now, as far as your sickness, mom, yes I knew already. I never said anything about it because I didn’t want to be disrespectful. Also, Megan sent me a Christmas card letting me know you were sick. However, she told me not to say anything. Really, I don’t want to disrespect you by putting my nose where it don’t belong. I’m sorry I didn’t write. I was really scared and didn’t know what to say mom.
As for doing crazy things, we’ve all done crazy things. Especially when are young, because we don’t think bad things will happen to us. So you’re not the first and you won’t be the last. Take me for example. This is not my first time doing something crazy. However I’m going to discipline myself to be a better person, so it is my last time.
It’s like you say, sometimes the only way to learn and get wisdom is by making mistakes. Sometimes we have to learn mistakes are a part of life. Anyway, I understand what you are telling me about your liver. However you never said if you were going to get a new liver. Megan told me you have Hepatitis C. I’m sorry you are having to go through all this.
Look at this, mom. You’re not the only one who’s been hurting. I’ve had four seizures in the past month. Don’t worry about me. I’m okay. It hurts me to know you’re hurting and in so much pain. I will continue to pray for you mom. It’s good they were able to drain some of the fluid out through your abdomen. See mom, it’s going to be okay, one step at a time. So stay strong and don’t give up! It’s good you rested awhile because I’m sure you needed it. Make sure the days you are at the store you are easy on yourself. Don’t do any lifting okay? I wish I was home. I would be there for you.
I’m glad you say you’re going to stay on top of things, even though we both know our illnesses won’t heal on their own. Let’s always look at the bright side of things. Let’s think about the joy instead of the pain.
I’m hoping I can see you. I put you on my visitors list so when you come down to see Megan, maybe you could come to see me. I’m glad you care about me mom. However, I have a question. Please don’t take it the wrong way. Why do you care so much about someone you only met once? If you were to ask me that question, believe it or not, it’s not because I love your daughter, but because I have a kind heart, too, mom. I’m real thankful you care about me. I think you and Megan are the only ones who care about me in here. I wanted you to know that. I really do appreciate all your love.
Your son, Jamie
(Sonni’s note:) Reading this letter again after 5 1/2 years makes me realize how much time has passed. It was sent 6 months before my health finally crashed, and almost exactly 3 years since my liver transplant. But not much has changed for Jamie. He’s still sitting in that prison cell waiting for family to show they care. He has never given up hope or felt badly about the people who should be there for him, but aren’t. It really confuses me. I don’t understand. Could it be that black families are so used to their family members being subjected to our injustice system that they are immune to the pain and suffering? Are they just waiting for him to get out, throw a party for him and think life will go on as usual? Most of all, do you think this is the mind of a criminal. I don’t think so.
I have read several books written by inmates who really were hard core criminals. They were gang members, or grew up in violent homes in violent neighborhoods. Some have managed, through time inside, to reflect on how they got there and were able to change their way of thinking – rehabilitate themselves. Sometimes it is too late because they have a life sentence, but at least they are able to find a kind of peace and acceptance of their life. Most of these people find religion of some sort. The most prevalent, of course, is Christianity because they have Chaplains and services they can attend. Some find the Muslim faith, and believe it or not, all Muslims are not terrorists and want to kill people. Some like Jamie – and Armando Macias, if you have read his pages found through the menu button up top – have found Buddhism. And some inmates do their time, go back out in the world, pick up where they left off, and find themselves back inside.
Jamie just wants to get out alive and be able to have a good life that includes his son. I think he should have that opportunity.