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Dear mom,

How are you?  Fine, I hope and getting some rest. However, knowing you, you are work work working on everything. Do me a favor and take a break okay? Enjoy what time you have to yourself. Sit outside and enjoy the little things, like the flowers, the sky’s view, the air and everything in view.

(Sonni’s note: Jamie is thinking of me being able to enjoy all the things he is unable to see. He doesn’t even have a window in his cell or AC in this hot Tx summer, yet he worries about  me.)

I have been sitting here thinking hard about the questions you asked in your last letter but I have yet to come up with anything. You asked me what I thought I’d like to do when I get out prison. I have yet to come up with anything because I don’t know what will happen. However, I do know this. I want to be able to live my life and be able to take care of my family. What matters the most is my son. Most of my life I have lived in the system due to poor choices I made in my life. My future is my son. I don’t want his future being anything like this. It’s going to be hard, you and I both know this.

A lot of people knew me as Jamie, the boy. It’s been years since I just talked to anybody. In fact, I don’t talk to anyone about life but you. We are the only ones who conversates this way. No one else has tried to spark up a conversation about life. If it’s family, it’s just about what’s going on. I know most of the news I would get from my family is going to be bad. Maybe a little good news here and there. It’s the main reason I stopped writing. When I did write, no one wrote back. I have addresses to some people but I don’t write anymore. My mom moves so much I don’t know where she is. I don’t worry. I know how she is from a lifetime of experiences.

I have confidence in myself that when I get out of here I can take care of what I need to do. I intend to live a good life. Yes, there will be curves and hills. One step at a time. There will be lots to learn no master what. It’s for me to do my best and keep my son from this. My goal is to express my life to my son. I also need to express to my mother about how I felt as a young kid. To tell you the truth, I know it will hurt because it hurts me when I think about it. When I think about a lot of stuff that has to do with family, it hurts. There is not too much I can remember to be happy about. Just a very little. I try not to think about it. I try not to think of things from the past. But don’t worry. The truth is, everything will be okay.

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Some people can not take the pressure but I have been under pressure for ten years. Fourteen, counting juvy. I have had a few melt downs, but I have come to understand that I have to have self control. Without it I have to constantly start over and never get anywhere in life. I have learned to accept some things and move on. Yes, I still get angry, but I just speak my mind. I don’t act on things like I used to. I don’t give these people a reason to get back at me.

Give your mother my love and tell her I’m chanting for her ( she had a stroke).

With love, Jamie

p.s. Is 2:44 am – very early in the morning. I better get this ready to go.

(Sonni’s note:  Looking back over all these years of letter writing, this blog, and the book being written, “Inside The Forbidden Outside”, I see a different Jamie as he matures. At times I have been very worried, trying to break through when I thought he was giving up because the anger was so strong. But he has learned much through his study of Nichiren Buddhism about the power of the Law of Cause and Effect – or, you reap what you sow – if you are Christian – it is the same thing. For every action there is a reaction and WE determine what that is. I sense a maturity now in Jamie, and I can’t wait until he has the opportunity to  have a life he doesn’t even know how to dream about yet.)

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6 thoughts on “When I Get Out Of Prison

    1. Of course – here it is:
      James Cummings #1368189
      Allred Unit
      2101 FM 3269 North
      Iowa Park, TX 76367

      I am Going to Tx next week. I’m going to see him and take his son. It is my first trip down there in almost 3 years and it is the last time he saw his son, too, because no one will take him to see him. he quit writing to his family because they don’t answer his letters. Not even his mom. He will be so excited when he gets the letter I sent him yesterday. I can’t wait to see him. Laura, are you on the mailing list for the newsletter I recently started that goes out one time a month? I just sent out the 2nd issue. It is about a variety of things about the prion system and other inmates as well. Since I’m just learning I hope to have it expand to more. There are a couple articles, a blog post, a book chapter of the book I’m writing, three other books inmates have written that are for sale on Amazon, and a bio of an 17 yr old inmate ( who got a 30 yr sentence) that needs a penpal. You can sign up directly by going to the last post at the top of the page, in the white area. It says it is where to sign up to the newsletter. I can also send you the issue I just put out. With everything I’m doing it is so hard to get back to other blogs and read, but I try. Thank you so much for your interest. I really appreciate it and I’m sure Jamie will, too.

      Like

        1. Awesome! Thank you. I hope to make it into something worthwhile reading. There is so much people don’t know or understand. Prisons are not what they say on TV programs and it is so easy for anyone to get caught up in it. Inmates are more than criminals. They are everyday people in the wrong place at the wrong time.

          Liked by 1 person

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