Are Abusers Born That Way or
Do We Grow them With Love. Part One.
Although both men and women have sexually abused or physically abused children and other adults, the majority falls on the shoulders of men. How do they get that way and could it have been avoided? I am not an expert in this area. I’m only someone who reads a lot in the area of crime and criminal justice so it is normal that I come upon articles about these topics. Any opinions you read are mine alone.
Three types of incidents stand out in my mind that have been in media the past couple months. When the behavior was brought to light it caused them and their families humiliation and will affect who they are for the rest of their lives.
Some of these people now have ruined lives. At the very least it’s too late to go back now and undo their actions. Their lives are forever tainted with the effects of the causes they made. You reap what you sow, right? If you believe in the Bible. Some the behavior was known about and kept hush hush. If it had been dealt with maybe they could have been helped. I am going to focus on three different cases, working backward.
At this moment they are being charged with one account of rape and other lesser charges of attempted rape against four other, supposedly weaker boys on their football team. Sophomores attacking freshmen, entering the locker room, turning out the light, carrying a broom with a four foot handle and hunting them down and frightening them by banging it against the lockers. They scared the crap out of these boys. They were kicked and punched on the locker room floor and I’m assuming one got the broom stick stuck where it shouldn’t be, if there is a charge of rape. How could they do that to a teammate who is supposed to go on the field together with them and win football games. Pretend it never happened?
It was planned. It was “tradition”. It got out of hand and the coach was oblivious? Really?? This is now causing the parents of these boys to pay attorneys to defend their sons. Good thing they were white boys (I’m assuming) because they have the money to pay an attorney and because they don’t have public defenders. Then they would have sure – fire sentences since they were charged as adults. Also if a black boy was involved he would have been in the main headline, probably accused of being the ringleader. No race was mentioned so they had to be white boys.
This got me to thinking. If it had been four black boys attacking four boys it would not have made a national blast, but if it did, they would probably label them gang members and send them to prison.
If it was four black boys attacking four white boys they probably would have gotten 20 years or even life. This white on white crime will probably get a stern “talking to” and probation and /or community service because they are future pillars of the community. The future of a black boys life is never considered except to assume he would be a criminal so he should be locked up young.
Attorneys for the boys say this about each of the abusers, ” But he’s an honors student,” “but he’s active in his church,” “But he loves to go to school.” “He wants to go to college.” Should they get jail time and further destroy their lives?
Apparently, actively going to church didn’t instill much decency into their brains. Loving school, but not caring about your classmates? That’s a good one. The one who wants to go to college? Did he think far enough ahead that this could stop a school from accepting him? He would be older and maybe he would follow another stupid person so he could get accepted. Most of all, he could hurt someone else.
There is already so much rape on college campuses by very young men. These aren’t seasoned rapists. Many are out of control kids who think they are old enough to drink and do drugs and it gives them the inhibition to abuse.
Where did they learn this was okay? Who let their childhood behavior go ignored. These abusers were made, not born. They were allowed to develop because their behavior was nurtured bs protected.
To a degree their lives are destroyed already. If they want to do something important in their lives, like become a Supreme Court Judge, this will be used against them. It will close doors. Could it later cause them in anger to repeat what they did?
Those 15 year old boys knew without a doubt, what they were doing was wrong and chose to do it anyway. They did it anyway? Why? Peer pressure? Afraid to go against whoever was the ringleader? Now they will have to live with the consequences. They will have to live with the loss of respect they will be shown when people find out what they did, for many years to come.
These boys were 15, not 5, and 15 year Olds, make and female arrogantly think they can make adult decisions and choose abuse as something they think is okay. They won’t get caught. They made one mistake – a huge effect. Or was it their first incident of abuse? Maybe not.
I don’t need to explain this one. He is an older version of one of these boys, when in college was a heavy drinker and participated in actions that showed extreme lack of respect to women and sometimes sexual abuse – when he was drunk – when he wasn’t in church (that didn’t work for him, either)
No matter the shenanigans the GOP pulled to discredit the woman he abused so he could get confirmed to the Supreme Court, they couldn’t erase his behavior as a college student. Has that behavior surfaced in other ways? Only he knows. I believe if he had admitted it and apologized for the alcohol abuse that gave him permission for the abuse, people would have had more respect for him.
It takes guts to tell the truth about yourself when you make a mistake. Passing him off as choir boy who didn’t drink, had never been drunk, and studied on weekends was absurd to the rest of us. You can’t create the truth and have everyone believe. We needed a judge who was honest and he will always be doubted, because he lied. In addition, were his parents totally oblivious to the smell of alcohol? No, Brett Kavanaugh was not born this way. He, too, was a victim of insufficient guidance. His family and children paid the price for his lies.
Read this and cry. 300 pedofile priests just in PA. Thousands of victims. Drugging a boy and sodomizing him. Ejaculating in a boys mouth and having him wash it out with holy water. Molesting a 7 year old girl in the hospital when she had her tonsils removed. Many of these priest are either dead or the statute of limitations is up because the church hid it. They are working on changing that law. Millions of dollars of reparations have been paid.
I doubt pedofiles signed up to be priests because they had easy access to young children. It happened, later, I believe. Perhaps they were shown the ease of it by another priest and being sexually starved, gave it a try and it was satisfying. It grew from there, because how can the priesthood, with their dedicated paths to holiness have such a tremendous amount of mentally sick men. It’s like a disease. I have to say, because I am Buddhist, not a Christian. But according to the beliefs of Catholicism and other God based beliefs, why did God allow so many thousands of his little children, he loves so much, be traumatizing and hurt by his own employees who are supposed to be raising their desire to be dedicated to God.
Every catholic parishioner has probably asked themselves if their priest is a pedophile. They all come across warm and fuzzy and so many hundreds of them are screwed up when it comes to sex. And they were hid. Their proclivities were allowed. The upper levels looked the other way. Shame on them.
Were they born that way? I doubt it. They were to exhibit no sexual preference. People NEED human touch and caring. I don’t care if you’re “married” to God, he isn’t lying next to you in bed making you feel good and physically showing you he loves you. Priests are human and humans have needs. They gravitated toward the humans they spent the most time with – young boys.
These were humans who had no experience with sex and didn’t initially understand what was happening. The priests initially probably tried to curb their appetite for young flesh and the addictive feeling of being close to someone’s skin. Like a gambler gets addicted and it overpowers him, and an anorexic woman gets addicted to losing weight until it kills her, so it overpowered many priests.
These men were likely good men who desired to be faithful to God, but they were human men first. Men with failings who didn’t receive the help they needed and were never held accountable for what they did.
To have so many pedophiles in one profession is mind blowing. So is the degree of damage to thousands of boys who grew up and understood what happened to them. The effect was devastating for many and it affected their lives in many negative ways.
These pedophiles were made, not born. They were nurtured and placated. In a normal life, a normal sex life, I doubt all of these men would have chosen young men to have sex with. Could some actually be gay? Of course, but that doesn’t mean they would choose young boys as a partner.
But the Vatican? Who can now have respect for an institution that intentionally, knowingly allowed it to continue and pretended to the world it didn’t exist. They moved these damaged priests around who got their hands more boys. If I were a parent who had a child molested by a priest the Vatican knew molested boys I’d sue them penniless for allowing my child to be hurt.
There have been some reparations made to people, but I doubt it is enough. More and more new information keeps popping up in the media. I’m not catholic. I think priests should be allowed to have a normal life as a pastor can, which doesn’t guarantee against deviant exhale behavior. Having a religious career does not mean you don’t have things hiding in your closet.
What do we do? How do we fix this? What safeguards can be put in place. Please don’t mention needing more guns. That’s a topic for another discussion.
I found this article in today’s media
Among other things it said that 1880 protests have been identified going back to 1950. Can any other organization beat that number for sex perverts and almost none of them were ever held accountable. That is so sad.