Is it Rain or Tears – Chapter – ITFO – repost

Last Note 2 sm

 

This is an early chapter in the book I am finishing. what a journey it has been. In this chapter Jamie is still at the jail after his arrest, before he is sent to the first prison in LaMesa, Texas. He is having problems coping. I haven’t had enough time for writing blog posts, so for those who are new to Jamie’s story – this chapter is important.

 

Is it Rain or Tears?

 

“You need to flush the goddamn toilet. You can’t leave it like that,” Jamie exploded. He raised his voice louder than the sound in the room, yelling at the man walking away from him.
     He was tired of smelling everyone’s crap. Some men have the worst toilet habits like they we’re raised by animals. They can’t flush or wipe the seat if they mess it up. The next man has to clean it, if it matters enough to him.
     Jamie bit his lower lip between his teeth, forcing himself to not throw another insult at the man walking across the room, through the isles of stacked beds. Low man on the totem pole, a newcomer to this dormitory, he got stuck in the back of the room near the toilets. The only other overwhelming smell was pungent disinfection. It got poured on everything.
     Being here was getting to him. It was too soon to let it affect his behavior. He had too find a way to keep it together. The thought of not breathing free air for seventeen years was depressing beyond words. Knowing the woman he loved was getting bigger, waiting for the birth of a son he would not be able to see, was the cruelest joke life could play on him.
       This was only the beginning of his sentence. He didn’t know how he was going to get through to the end. He was tired of this crazy old asshole coming to the back of the dorm which held dozens of bunks with men reading, sleeping or playing cards, and then leave a dump for him and everyone else to smell.
     Jamie’s bunk was in the back near the toilets, and they smelled ungodly rank. If someone was going to take a dump they’d better have the decency to flush. He was losing his tolerance for ignorance as well as losing his emotional self control. He was often angry. Angry about being here. Angry because he couldn’t change it and angry at himself for screwing up.
      It wasn’t as if the janitor came in to clean every day, or even every week. No one wanted to get up and flush the damn toilet for someone else. Some dudes think they can intimidate weaker ones as if they were some stinking ‘King of the Hill’ in a child’s game. Jamie had had enough.
      “Didn’t yo’ mama ever teach you no manners?” Jamie yelled sarcastically across the room, deliberately provoking him.
      “Oh, yeah?” This dude was clearly not liking that Jamie had the guts to get in his face. He turned around and started strutting toward him with the bowed legs of a gorilla, acting as if he thought his shit didn’t stink. “You have anything else you wanna say about my mama?”
     Jamie immediately felt sorry for the woman who gave birth to this lowlife. He must have been a joy as a kid. He clearly wanted to use this as a reason to pound somebody’s head in and thought Jamie was his next likely victim. He didn’t know what a mistake that was gonna be.
     “Da-amn,” Jamie muttered under his breath in two syllables. He was going to have to make good on what he said. He got himself together and slowly stood up. He wasn’t going to get caught off-guard sitting down.
     “Oh well.” It hadn’t been a good day so far, anyway. He might as well make it worse.

     “Oh, and you think I need to flush the toilet?” He laughed. Jamie smiled.

     As he closed the gap he spoke these words with a pause between each word. In a menacing way he walked toward him with slow, deliberate steps, trying to look more dangerous than he was capable of pulling off. Maybe ten years ago he could have, but not now. He might have scared some of the smaller men but he didn’t scare Jamie. 
     “Make me,” the man taunted him.
     He had the look of injecting too many steroids a couple decades ago and the hard muscles were turning to flab.
     “You and who else?” he demanded from Jamie. He looked like he had been in a few too many bar brawls already. Jamie didn’t care. He was strong and he knew how to take care of himself. Besides, he already had a seventeen year sentence. They couldn’t do much more to him they haven’t already done.
     The man walked over to a mop sticking up from a rolling bucket someone had left propped up and leaning against the wall. He grabbed the stick at both ends and broke it in half over his thigh. He raised the stick in his right hand, ready to swing it at Jamie’s head when he got closer.
     “Come on, mama’s boy,” the man bent forward and growled at him. “Show me what ya got.” He motioned with his fingers to come and get him.

The man would sorely regret those words. He lunged at Jamie, who beat the crap out of him all the way from the toilets, through the overcrowded room, past the open mouths of men on the bunks who were startled out of their boredom, to the locked door that led to the hall.
     Once Jamie got started he lost control and took all of his pent up frustration out on that loudmouthed son of a bitch who was never taught any manners by his mama. He knew some now, that was for sure.

Jamie didn’t quit beating him until the guards pulled him off. An ambulance arrived at the jail and took the man to a hospital. Jamie was taken to solitary confinement.
     “He’s the one who came at me,” Jamie tried to explain to the guard who cuffed his wrists behind his back and walked him to his new living quarters. The guard didn’t give a shit who started the fight.
      “So you decided to put him in the hospital?”
     “Maybe he’ll learn some manners in there, like knowing when to flush a toilet,” Jamie said under his breath.
      “What did you just say?” the guard snapped back.
      Jamie shook his head, “Nothin’.”
     “I didn’t think so,” the guard replied with as much sarcasm as he could muster.
    “You’re gonna to be staying here in this hotel room until you’re moved.” He seemed to take great pleasure in saying this to Jamie, but Jamie didn’t get upset.
     “How long will that be?” Jamie asked.
     “Where will they be sending me?” he added.
     His questions hung in the air unanswered. The guard probably didn’t know where he would be sent so it was pointless to ask again. He walked out of the cell and slammed the door. Jamie heard the sound of the lock turning. He motioned for him to back up to the small opening in the door and stick his wrists out so his cuffs could be unlocked. A second guard stood right outside the cell door making sure nothing happened.
     Jamie rubbed his wrists to get the circulation going. The cuffs had been put on as tight as possible. They wanted him to know they could do anything to him they wanted and he could do nothing about it. They weren’t going to take any chances  now they knew he had a temper.             

Jamie hadn’t meant to hurt the dude so bad. He couldn’t stop once he got started. The anger for everything that happened had been building up with no way to release it. He had to get it out.
     He had been in this jail for months waiting to see what was going to happen next. Nobody told him nothing. It was like they didn’t want to let him know what was going on. Keep him in the dark. He got some letters from Morgan who told him how his family was doing. He didn’t hear much from them himself. He did in the beginning. They were probably afraid he would ask them for money for the commissary. If they didn’t write to him they couldn’t say no. Their silence told him a lot. He was on his own.

    Morgan told him over and over she would wait for him. It was the only hope he had and he was hanging on to it for dear life. If he lost her and the baby he would have nothing to live for. He waited for every letter like it was the last letter he would get, afraid she would go on without him. Every day that passed with no letter broke him into smaller pieces. When his name was called a mail time it gave him a reason to hang on. One day at a time. That’s all he had. It wasn’t much.
     On the far end of Jamie’s 5′ by 9′ cell was a raised cement slab with no mattress that was supposed to be his bed. Not even a two inch piece of foam covered it. A folded, rancid smelling blanket was at one end. He doubted it had ever been washed. It was another way to break the inmates. Take away their humanity until they feel worthless. There was a toilet with no lid and a sink with only cold running water. A nearly empty roll of toilet paper balanced on the edge.
     If he thought the toilets smelled bad in the dormitory, that wasn’t even close to the smell in here. There was a permanent smell of piss and Lysol with the added odor of vomit and a backed up toilet that had never been cleaned. He was pretty anal about being clean, especially in this place, so this smell was an insult to his senses. 
    There was a grimy piece of polished steel for a mirror, screwed to the wall above the sink. Someone must have punched it. It was so scratched and dented it was almost impossible to see his reflection.
    A bare lightbulb stuck out from the wall next to the sink. He supposed that light was never turned off so the guards on the outside could look inside and check up on whoever was there. They didn’t have any privacy. They could watch you take a crap if they wanted to, just to embarrass you. It was a low wattage bulb, hardly enough to read by, if he had anything to read. So far no one brought him his stuff. How long would they keep him in here?
     Maybe he was better off here for awhile. Give him time to think. He needed to get his head together and figure out how he was going to handle this sentence. He couldn’t be fixin’ to beat the crap out of everyone who pissed him off. Besides, maybe if he was really good and caused no trouble they would let him out early.
     Jamie went over to the cement slab and laid down, folding his arms behind his head. There was nowhere else to sit but the floor and he didn’t think he wanted to get that close to it.
     He looked up to see a vertical, narrow window too high up to stand and look out, and too grimy to see anything. The light let him know it was still daytime. It was never daytime inside. In solitary you never knew if out was night or day if there wasn’t a window. That added to confusion and a feeling of being off balance.
     He could hear the sound of rain beating against the wire-enforced glass. When he closed his eyes and listened, the sound of the rain relaxed him. It was peaceful against the thoughts and emotions still raging through his brain. It helped clear the bad thoughts away and he felt himself begin to drift off to sleep.
     Jamie couldn’t stop his raw emotions from coming to the surface. One tear fell down the side of his face to his ear. The wetness joined with the sound of the rain running down the window pane.

 

 

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Are White Men Freed After Unjust Decades in Prison?

Are white men today being freed from prison, their verdicts overturned because they were unjustly accused? Because the only accounts I read are of black men, and it takes 20-40 years to get that freedom. I think most recently of Patrick Pursely, someone I knew through through Facebook as he awaited his new trial. I’m not talking about people who got out on parole, but people who were never guilty in the first place. It is a long list.

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Today, while reading comments on my Facebook page, My Name is Jamie, there was a post about a black man who was finally released from prison after being wrongfully convicted after 40 years. A women wrote a comment about how horrible it was to go through that. A man replied to her comment and said, “It happens to white people, too, sweetie.” The term of endearment he used was intentionally inappropriate. I won’t go further into that at this time.

I went on a search. Were there multiple white people losing decades of their lives, too, because of false testimony and I just didn’t know about it? Did I unfairly think it was  black men who were being locked away with extremely long sentences because of unfair court convictions based on suppressed evidence along with a racist injustice system that doesn’t want the truth, perpetuated by racist cops wanting to get those “Ns” locked up and off the street?

In Google search I typed the words (in different ways) “White people freed from prison after decades”. At the top of the search there was an account of a white man freed after 39 years and awarded over $21 million. He was able to buy a new home and travel. 

I went to the next article. It had a number of white people in the picture and at the bottom was the head of a black man. That is who the article was about, not the white people in the photo.

I went to the next one on the list. But this was about a black man. So was the next one. I reworded my search and tried again because I wanted to know who the white men were who unfairly lost a major portion of their lives and then finally were released. I reworded my query yet again. The same list of men was brought up time and again.

I use Google a lot to learn things. When they run out of the matches to your search they will bring up “close” matches. In this case it was people of any race being released from prison, so after ONE example it started giving me black men. No other race. Only black men.

One of these black men was waiting for a $2 million settlement, and while he waited he depends on friends and $80 in food stamps (snap). Black men don’t get $21 million. If anyone knows of any other settlement else please leave me a comment and a link.

There is a difference in the way black people and white people are convicted. I am not  talking about getting a conviction overturned after a few years. I am talking about DECADES OF LOSS OF PRODUCTIVE LIFE AND LOSS OF FAMILY. Intentional imprisonment because he is black where often knowingly suppressing evidence was used to get that conviction along with the refusal to hear evidence that would have freed him.

So I need your help. Can ANYONE give examples to show the man who says it happens to white people, too? And any examples of money paid out that come come within $20 million of what this white guy got? Which means any payout over $200k. Put it in a visitors post and I’ll publish it. We need to dispel any thought that the prison system is equal for Blacks and Whites.

While still searching as I write this I found this white woman:  https://www.cnn.com/videos/crime/2014/10/11/dnt-ca-woman-freed-after-17-years.ktla/video/playlists/freed-from-prison/.

So that makes two. No one should be unjustly incarcerated. But it doesn’t compare with the unjust incarceration of the black race. Nearly 100% of sentences overturned each year are black man through a stacked and racist justice system.

Cop killers of black men who use the justification, “I was afraid for my life,” when they shoot and kill black people, and those who beat the crap out of both men and women, have been used in the killing of black people, NOT white people. I  don’t know of one case where cops used that phrase when dealing with white people. If you know of any please let me know. Please correct me if I am wrong.

The justice system needs to change. White attitudes need to change. It’s a tired story still being used and anyone still using it in the belief their race is “better” should be ashamed. Racists in all walks of life are the ones are the inferior people.

Jamie’s Parole, the Book, and Watch and Whirl

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As I insert this photo of Jamie I thought of how nice it would be to have new pictures. This is from my last visit October 2017.

My Apologies For Disappearing Lately

The last six weeks or so I haven’t posted much. Before that I spent more time writing the book instead of blog posts so most posts were chapters or music. Life got complicated and I’ve needed 36 hours a day to stay on top of it. In addition I’m going through radiation on my head for another bout of cancer. But since this blog is for Jamie I will begin with the most important news. Jamie’s parole news.

Jamie was approved for parole. I found out online before he found out. I received a letter asking me to check on the parole hearing he had LAST AUGUST, because no one would tell him anything. I’ve been in high gear ever since.

I was doubtful about him getting parole because he had nothing to work with. No trade, still in agseg and no certificates to show he had done anything to improve himself – because the prison wouldn’t let him.

There are different kinds of parole, different levels of releases, which was new info for me. It depends on the crime, or if it was for drugs and even if he had been a user, because they don’t want ex-inmates to hook up with the same people again. There are plenty of ways to get drugs in prison so if you’re an addict you don’t have to get clean. But drugs were not Jamie’s thing and he didn’t go near it inside. There are also different kinds of supervision if you are paroled, and how often you have to see a parole officer. There are also fines you might need to pay.

Parole isn’t cheap. You have to pay your parole officer each time you go. I don’t know if rules are different in each state, but I’d guess they are since everything else about incarceration is different. No prison is ever fun, but some states are REALLY not a state you want to be incarcerated in.

Jamie’s classification is Fl-1. I think it goes up to Fl-7. I contacted the women in a Facebook group called, “Loved ones in Allred Unit”, to see if anyone could answer my questions about parole. They said it would probably get a date in 1-3 months. On Facebook, some of the large prisons have groups so wives, mothers and girlfriends (and the occasional man) can communicate about what is happening at a particular prison – lockdowns, visits and even weddings. They share photos of their loved ones and often just need to talk and share their worry when they haven’t heard from someone inside. Often they are new to the prison system and have questions.

There is also a group for those incarcerated anywhere in Texas, “Loved ones in TDCJ. ” Texas Department of Criminal Justice. Allred Unit is the largest prison in Texas so there are enough people to keep a group going. Even when Jamie was moved to Hughes Unit last year for a program that really accomplished nothing, I maintained contact in the Allred group because they know who Jamie is.

Fl-1 means they have to investigate if he can survive on the outside. They contact family and make sure he has support on the outside. They don’t approve you and set you out the doors. You are moved to a “pre-release” prison where they have resources and try to prepare you – a step – down program. I am still learning what happens next. They have to make sure he has an address to parole to; family or a halfway house. Will he have a job? He had been on disability for epilepsy. Can he reapply? How does he get his epilepsy meds? He has no work history. He doesn’t even have a GED because the prison wouldn’t raise him to a classification that would allow him to take any kind of classes.

Jamie’s family haven’t helped him during these years except at the very beginning, so I wonder what they’ll do when the novelty of his release wears off. Paying his way will take even more money now. What kind of job could he get that would enable him to pay rent IF a landlord would rent to him. He will go to his brothers house who has wife and two very young children. Will his brother begrudge the time and effort support him long enough?? He wouldn’t visit him in prison.

In January of this year his brother visited him for the first time in TEN years. When I tried to convince him to visit a few years ago his response was, “Its not my fault he’s in there.” Excuse me?? Is that a reason? Ten years? Maybe it will be okay, but that attitude doesn’t make me confident. All these years his family knew I was taking care of what Jamie needed and not once did anyone say, “I’ll pay his medical fee this year,”or “I’ll buy his food box this quarter” or put money in his account, even for hygiene. Yes, I have doubts about how this will work out. They can’t pretend they were there for him. How long will his brother and wife be tolerant of Jamie being around – feeding him, buying clothing, driving him places. His brother wouldn’t help him buy a stick of deodorant at the commissary so supporting him until he gets on his feet might be more than he is willing to do. That worries me.

So I’m asking for help from anyone who will.

I wanted to be better prepared. I wanted the book to be published. I understand better what it will take to promote it. I wanted to be father along.

watchandwhirlShop

watchandwhirl.ecwid.com 

ebay.com/str/watchandwhirlshop

On Facebook, just search Watch and Whirl. I don’t have a Url yet. I am also going to be turning my WordPress blog into a business site and put the site there, too.

A few months ago I opened an online e-commerce store in three locations, selling a variety of items from things for your home, nautical furnishings, musical items, jewelry and more. I’m choosy. Some online stores have thousands of items hoping to sell a few, but I only add items I like if have in my own home.

I opened these stores because I am on disability and need to pay a story editor to go over my book manuscript for “Inside the Forbidden Outside.” I also need a line editor. I have worked for four years writing and rewritingas I have learned how to write (and still learning). There are hundreds of letters strewn across half of my bed as I cross check what happened over the years with my letters that are on file online at JPay.com which is how I “email” letters to Jamie. It takes both his letters and mine to piece together his story.

In addition, there is the music I have recorded to go with each chapter. I spent four hours today working on a new recording. This is a much longer process than sitting down and writing just the book. Although I have used fiction to piece the story together, the events that happen in the book did happen. I did have to create some of the dialogue, especially in the dream sequences I use instead of printing parts of letters.

The amount of time I have put into this, if I did a crappy job during the editing phase it would put it all in jeopardy. But I’m on disability. My age and health doesn’t allow me the luxury of working an outside job.  Writing Jamie’s story has given me a reason to keep going. It has been my purpose. We have much to do when he gets out, including writing the sequel – from 2016 until.. . . now and through reentry.

I opened a store. I’ve written about it already – Watch and Whirl – at three locations, because I desperately need to make money. My disability check doesn’t cut the mustard. I have an online location, and a store on Facebook and eBay, which also has auctions.

I had no idea how many hours it was going to take each day, or what I was going to have to learn to make it work. I’m still learning. I also don’t have the advertising budget that is needed to put out Facebook ads, which has the #1 spot for marketing businesses online.

Yes, I’ve been having some sales success, but not enough to cover the overhead I have accrued with even the monthly fees of being in business. And trying to work on finishing up the book, writing music and taking care of 2 blogs – well, there are only so many hours in each day.

So those who know what I do – and some of you have followed me for 5 years – go take a look at my store. Maybe it will be of interest. Maybe it won’t. It continues to grow and change. All of this is to help Jamie. Now that he is being paroled, the pressure to make it come together is real.

I can’t sell internationally yet, but you could share my store on Facebook on your social media pages. It is all about people sharing.

In the meantime, I have a PayPal account. If you could send even a couple dollars to help, go to paypal.com and send it to the email address set up for him: squick@mynameisjamie.net

Jamie Made Parole!!!

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I found out today that it was approved on April 21st!  I don’t have any other information. I don’t know if he a step down process to go through or how long it takes. I just know that it will soon be over.

I received a letter from him a few days ago asking me try and check on his status because they wouldn’t talk to him. I don’t even know if he knows.

It’s been so long!

Who Do I See in The Stainless Steel Mirror

Sonni Quick improv piano

I have been working a lot on music to use in the book. I have been working on this for so long – because it is more than just a book. I have talked to a number of self published authors and some have written a fair number of books  mostly fiction. They can make a story be anything they want and a character can have any personality they can create. Even though I have to fictionalize the letters I use to base Jamie’s story on there still needs to be truth. The storyline follows what he writes about – for the most part. I have letters spread all over my bed in date order so I can follow where the story goes over time. I also have to take into account the letters I wrote to him because he answers them in his letters.

I received a letter a couple days ago and I will soon write about what he said. Nothing after 2016 is in this book, it will be in the sequel. But for those who want to know what goes on behind prison walls, what he wrote about needs to be told.

I am also not leaving marketing to chance. Many don’t think about that until their book is finished. Good books are written that no one knows about because the author didn’t take the time to learn the business end.

There is so much to do. Doing it by myself makes for long days. I never have to wonder what to do on any given day! I’m never bored. So today I am promoting two new pieces of music and this is one. If you like it please share it on your social media as I attempt to get my music out while I can.

Also  come to my music page at Facebook. I also promote other very talented musicians and bands! You can also listen to everything and see all music videos at YouTube or my website: http://sonniquick.net 

http://facebook.com/sonniquickspiano 

Thank you.

 

Listen to Who Do I See in the Stainless Steel Mirror by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud

Plea Bargaining: Prosecutors Leave Trail of Injustice When Playing Hardball with Defendants | Criminal Legal News

 

Plea bargains have been instrumental in filling our prisons, often forcing people to take a plea when they have been threatened with monstrous prison sentences. When you can’t afford to pay an attorney – and this is who our injustice system goes after – families end up losing a parent, son, daughter and friends.  Worst of all, the person who may have actually committed the crime gets away with it.

We all know of the racial injustice in this country and the drive to incarcerate people of color – especially the men – which then also has the effect of most of them losing the right to vote to change the system, or the ability to raise and educate their children.

Jamie was offered a 45 year plea deal the first time around. When he insisted on going to court they lowered it to 17 years, (so he would feel grateful?) and if he didn’t take it he would end up with a sentence of 50-99 years. What would you do?

He has now almost completed 13 1/2 years.  If you have followed along with any of the chapters I have posted of the book I am writing about his life inside – Inside The Forbidden Outside -you know how awful that can be, not only physically, but mentally. I received a letter three days ago about the prison he is housed in currently and I will be writing about what I learned. I promise you, if you had to live through this you would be working just as hard to try to change this system.

Source: Plea Bargaining: Prosecutors Leave Trail of Injustice When Playing Hardball with Defendants | Criminal Legal News

I’m Someone Time Forgot – Chapter From ITFO

 

Listen to I’m Someone Time Forgot by Sonni Quick #np on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/sonni-quick/im-someone-time-forgot

 

I’m Someone Time Forgot 

 

Jamie was stressed. It created a restlessness inside him he couldn’t get under control. He craved the feeling of walking. To go outside in the fresh air and push his legs to walk his full stride, and feel his arms swinging by his side. He wanted to walk with purpose because there was someplace he wanted to be.
     He wanted to walk and breathe deep until his body was exhausted. He couldn’t do that in his cell with only two full steps of walking space before he had to stop and turn around. If he was outside the cell, walking down the hallway, he could walk in a slow, shuffling stride of about twelve inches, the length of the chain between his ankles. If he went any faster he would fall on his face. Since his hands were cuffed behind his back it would be a pretty nasty fall. Even so, the more he craved walking, and couldn’t, the more stress he felt.
     He knew what Sonni would say, “Chant about it.”
Taking in deep breaths to chant was like meditating and it had a calming effect. But right now he felt too hopeless to chant because everything in his life was out of control. It was so hot and that made it hard to concentrate. How was he going to make it through the remaining years he had when he could barely make it through the day?

Earlier, Jamie asked to be taken to see the doctor because he was having bad dizzy spells. All the doctor did was tell him to get some rest. Beyond that there was nothing he could do for him. What did that fool think he did all day in a segregated cell?
     Jamie was afraid of falling. He had a couple bad falls during seisures and there were only hard things to fall on. He had some bad cuts and around here cuts got infected. The nurse always let injuries get infected before they did anything about it because they didn’t think there was any need to keep it from getting infected. Then, getting it treated by the doctor took time. Nothing ever happened fast. Infections could be prevented but they didn’t see it that way.
     The doctor don’t treat nothing until it’s about ready to kill you. He seemed to hate his job, especially the inmates, like they weren’t worth helping. He never even said hello, or anything like he hoped you would feel better soon. A smile of friendliness? Forget that. It was part of his job to make you feel like shit because you were in here.
     He didn’t like treating inmates. There were some scary ones he wouldn’t want to be around either, but he didn’t need to make sure everyone who needed to see him knew you were inferior to him because he was a doctor.
This job at the prison was probably the only job he could get. Why would you be a doctor in here if you could get a job a somewhere else? Did they even have a valid license that hadn’t been revoked?
     Jamie was lightheaded and passed out a couple times and now this fool told him that to fix it he was to go rest? Wasn’t it part of his job as a doctor to find out why it was happening, especially because of his epilepsy? Was it too far above what the prison allowed for the “adequate” medical care the law dictated. Ordering rest as a treatment didn’t cost the prison a cent. Running blood tests does. That ate into the profit they made off the inmates being here. They were kept alive with minimal food and care like other caged animals.
     Sleep was beyond him at night because all he did was toss and turn. When he finally did fall asleep he would jerk himself awake. He was sure it had a lot to do with not knowing what was happening with his family on the outside.
     He constantly thought about them, especially when he was trying not to. He hadn’t heard from no one in his family for a long time. Maybe no news was good news but he still needed to know. How was his son? Morgan wrote sometimes but she often put a lot of time between her letters.

Jamie lay on his bunk thinking about everyone he knew, one at a time. He didn’t have the mental strength to stop. When he got depressed this always pushed him further down the hole, and then he wanted to let it all go, but he couldn’t stop himself. He felt he was someone time forgot.
Out of sight, out of mind. He didn’t exist for them anymore, until he got out. No one thought about the effect it was having on him right now as he lived it.
     During these times of depression he always said he was going to give up, cut them off and never write to nobody again. He said that over and over through the years. He needed to hear from the people in his life who knew he was in here and that rarely happened. Almost no one took the time to do that to let him know they cared or write to tell him what was going on out there. No one cared that little Jamie needed him. Being in prison made it doubly hard for his son. He needed a relationship with his dad. All this made him terribly lonely.
     He was worried about Morgan. She was working two jobs. She had no choice with kids to take care of. He needed to be able to do his part and couldn’t, and that made him feel guilty.
     Sonni was sick and that was probably why she hadn’t written or come to see him in her dreams. Maybe she was saving her strength. Not knowing, he could only guess when it was time for her to get the liver transplant she was waiting for. She wouldn’t know until the last minute, so there wouldn’t be time to tell him.
     When too much time passed between letters he always worried the time had finally come, that she was in the hospital and no one would be there with her except her husband. No blood family. A time when family should be there to wait for her to wake up and know she was okay – to support her and make her feel loved. He knew deep down that this was going to happen. No matter what differences there were, her family should be there. They didn’t live too far away. The writing was on the wall and he felt bad about that. He knew what it felt like and would there if he could. He knew he would.

This was the worst thing that kept him awake at night, tossing and turning. It seemed to him that family thought they had the right to hurt you the most. It was important to him and important to Sonni to be there for each other. It’s hard to go through things like this and be alone. It messes up your head and makes you feel helpless to not be able to help. If only he could shut off the thoughts.
     He liked calling her Mom. She knew he needed family and because she was his son’s grandmother they really were connected like they were family. It meant a lot to him because she stuck by someone like him the way she did. Some people look down on people in prison and treat them bad even after they get out like they weren’t already punished enough. She didn’t see him as a bad person. She never tried to make him feel bad. If she wanted, she could be angry at him because he did something that made her daughter’s life hard, but she didn’t. Now she was the only connection he could count on who always remembered he was here.
     Now she needed him to be there and he wasn’t good for nothing and was letting her down, too. He loved her because she took the time to be good to him. He wanted to do the same for her.
     It wasn’t unusual to hear this same story in here. He heard it plenty of times. Family stopped writing or visiting, or the drive was too long, or they got tired of being asked for money, like somehow the inmates found a way to get the things they needed without doing something that could have far reaching consequences. So they stopped answering letters. Maybe they didn’t want to know what was happening inside. Maybe they couldn’t scrape together twenty bucks between them to put on his account. A lot of dudes were on their own with no help. He had Sonni. He would never forget that.
     Jamie knew his family hadn’t stopped loving him. They just didn’t know how to show it. Maybe they took his love for granted. He would love them no matter if they wrote. And he would, he always would, but it was hard to keep making excuses their absence. He knew they had their own problems to deal with. He wanted to know what was going on in their lives and they didn’t tell him. But he knew what was going on Sonni’s life because they wrote to each other. He could pray for her about that and feel like he did something to help because he needed to do something besides sit here.
     Whether someone prayed to God or simply prayed and put it out there, it was the focus of the prayer and the mental energy that went into it that mattered the most. So he prayed urgently that she was okay. He needed her to be okay. He didn’t want to be without her. She was all he had.

Jamie looked up at the sound of banging on the cell doors. It broke into his thoughts and he stood up to go stand at the door. It was time for the meal cart to bring dinner. It had lots of shelves with trays stacked on top of trays. He was hungry tonight. There hadn’t been much for the mid day meal except two baloney sandwiches with nothing but a slice of meat and cheap bread. That wasn’t enough for a man his size.
     He thought about a real sandwich. Lots of meat, tomato and lettuce, two slices of cheddar cheese with lots of mayo and pickles, too – and chips. That made him hungry. He laughed a little. He shouldn’t torture himself like that.
It had been a good while since he had a hot meal. No matter what they brought to eat it was always cold when it was put through the slot. Sometimes he thought they never heated the meals at all.
     The trays were prepared ahead of time and kept frozen in big freezers in the kitchen and were brought to them just as they were. They couldn’t prepare them at mealtime. How were they going to serve hot food to all the inmates? Were they going to heat them up in microwaves, or prepare trays one at a time like they would at a hospital? Fat was congealed on the meat like it hadn’t been heated again. It was bland, no seasoning of any kind. It was horrible food and he was always afraid of getting sick eating it.
     The dudes in gen pop ate hot meals because they walked to where it was served. He was trying to get back to G4 so he could walk to chow. In the chow hall it was important to have eyes in the back of your head because you never knew who was gong to start trouble with you, but it was worth it for a hot meal. It wasn’t exactly fine dining but it was better than what was slid through the food slot.
     Jamie had lost a lot of weight since he was locked up because he couldn’t choke down a lot of what was given to him to eat because it was so bad. No use complaining about it, though. It wouldn’t change anything. Jamie looked down at himself. It was getting hard to keep his pants up. He hadn’t been this skinny since he was a kid, and he was chubby then, too.
     He heard laughing and the bang of a food slot slamming shut a few cells down.
     “Oh, you thought you was gettin’ food tonight?” he heard one of guards say, laughing.
     “I’m sorry,” he added sarcastically, drawing out the words. “I guess they forgot about you in the kitchen.”
     A few seconds later he heard, “Too bad if you’re hungry. It’s not my fault. It’s too late to go get more. I’m not your servant and I’m not going to make a trip to the kitchen just for you.”
     The guard’s voice started to get a threatening edge to it because the dude in the cell wouldn’t quit talking and getting louder, too. The guard only worked here. He didn’t make the rules. If he wanted to keep his job he did what he was told, and he was told to bring food to only some of the inmates. Was he supposed to care if they were hungry? They were fucking criminals. They should be glad he brought them anything at all. Sometimes he felt like a goddam babysitter.
     “So I guess it’s no dinner for you tonight,” the guard sneered as he turned to walk away. “You’ll have to wait until morning. Deal with it,” and continued on to the next cell.
     His drawn out Texas twang had a nasally sound like he had a marble stuck up his nose. It grated on Jamie’s nerves like hearing fingers scraping up a chalkboard.
He could hear the dude in the cell raise his voice, calling him every name he could think of, but that only made the guard laugh. He turned around and stood there, far enough away from the door, hands on his hips where he couldn’t be reached through the bars. What a dick.

Jacking their food happened at at least for one meal a getting food. There was no reason for this. Messing with the inmates might feel like a sport to the guards but it would end up causing a lot of problems for all of them. You can only push people just so far before they come back at you.
     The guards were finding ways to make the segregation inmates miserable. No one was going to stop them. They were probably encouraged to do it. Even if they all filed a grievance about it nothing would come of it.
     It didn’t do it at every meal, but it happened enough times to make them all worried about being hungry. The food might not be worth feeding a dog, but it was the only food they had. Sometimes, when they brought a tray half the food was missing when they put it through the slot.
Some of the dudes planned to get even with the guards because they had nothing to lose if they got in more trouble. Some were going to be here for most, if not all of their lives anyway. They didn’t care.
     The day before, an inmate cut an officer pretty bad when he didn’t get his food. A lot of these dudes had a weapon of some sort they had made. They could get creative when finding materials they could sharpen and turn into a something they could stab into someone. This dude was waiting for just the right time and he cut him. He was lucky he didn’t kill him. What did the guards expect? They thought they could be assholes and no one would try to get even? These dudes had all the time in the world to plan what they were going to do.
     Fires were set inside the cells and there were no fires extinguishers anywhere to put them out. It caused a lot of chaos and it was a mess to clean up. Others flooded the halls by stopping up the toilets and overflowing the sinks. It stank in here. The heat made it worse. Imagine breathing in that stink with every breath you take and you can’t get away from it.
     Jamie didn’t want to be included when the officers retaliated so he drank a lot of water when they passed him by with no food and didn’t say anything. He wasn’t going to react emotionally. It wouldn’t do no good. It wouldn’t make them bring him food, so he was better off in the long run if he just let it pass.
     Joining in when they started getting crazy wasn’t a good idea, either. He tried to stay cool. The last thing he wanted was to do something stupid he would later regret that could get him written up or have more time added to his sentence.
     That is where this was headed if it didn’t stop. He guessed that was what Sonni meant when she wrote about cause and effect. What he chose to do right now could affect his future and he needed to make the right choices.
     The officers were taking it out on everyone on account of that guard getting cut. It wasn’t right, making all of them pay because of what one dude did, but that is the way they did things in here. There is no justice on the outside and there is damn sure no justice on the inside.
     Jamie tried to do his best to cope with everything, but sooner or later he knew something would happen. Things got crazier every day as it got hotter. Tempers rose. Days went by. Hopefully things wouldn’t get any worse.

The next month didn’t get any better. Each day was like the one before it. When the heat started rising in March everyone knew it was fixin’ to be a long, bad summer. No way they were going to spend the money for AC unless they were made to do it legally.
     Money the prisons paid out to families 11 people died was less than the cost of installing an AC or heating system. The winners cold get pretty cold, too. There were a few articles written each year but nothing was done and when it got hot the next year they wondered if would be bad enough to make the prisons fix it. The newer prisons were built with it, but not the older ones.
     Jamie passed out from the heat one year. When someone gets that hot, and they haven’t been given their meds every day, it puts those people in danger who have high blood pressure or diabetes and other illnesses like him with epilepsy. But it keeps happening.
     This year bad heatwaves were happening everywhere in the country, even up north. It seemed like it was getting worse every year. It was up over a hundred for weeks. That meant it was doubly hot for inmates in the south.

It was mid July and Jamie hadn’t heard from Sonni in more than a month. She had been saying the doctors told her to expect July would be her turn for a transplant because she was getting close to the top of the transplant list, but there wasn’t an exact day and all kinds of things could go wrong.
     The reason she moved up the list so fast is because two cancer tumors were growing in her liver. If one more developed they would take her off the list because her chance of surviving the transplant would be less. If one got out of the liver it would over, too.
     He wished he knew why she hadn’t written. If something happened, what if no one told him? The more he thought about it the more he worried. Add to it that it was so hot breathing was an effort and the water that came out of the faucet was rank. Terrible as it was he couldn’t drink enough of it. He couldn’t drink enough of it because he was so dehydrated.
     There was nothing to do and nothing new to read. He didn’t feel like re-reading his books again or more time so he took out his letters and began reading them from the beginning. They were in order by the date so it was almost like reading a book. Some of the letters were almost memorized. He knew all the good parts. He held the images they created in his mind and tried to imagine living inside the stories.
     He laid back down on his bed and had almost fallen asleep when he heard the mail cart outside his door along with his name being called.
     “Cummings. Mail.”
     Jamie jumped off his bunk and moved the few feet to the door. A Jpay letter was pushed through the slot. He thought it was from Sonni until he looked closer. It was from her sister, but she must have used Sonni’s Jpay account. He recognized her first name.
     The waiting was over. It was finally over. The relief was overwhelming. She had the liver transplant two weeks ago and was home now. She hadn’t been able to write or type, that is why he didn’t hear from her. He was right in feeling so unsettled. He had been worried about her because he didn’t go this long without hearing from her, but she was okay. The stress of waiting was finally over. They had talked about the transplant happening for a long time.
     The letter was dated, July 17th, 2012 and this is what her sister wrote:

“Sonni has asked me to write to you. She finally had her liver transplant on Sunday July 1. The six-hour surgery went well. She spent 10 days in the hospital and they have finally sent her home to start the slow healing process. Her recovery is amazing. She wants a normal life so bad.
When I visited her on Saturday she told me she had received a letter from you. It will be some time before she can sit at her computer but she wanted you to know her long wait and surgery were finally over. She looks like my sister again, not a puffed up marshmallow. I know from our talks she cares alot about you and she didn’t want you to worry.

Take care and I know she will write herself as soon as she is able.”

On August 6, he got his first letter from her. He could tell it wasn’t easy for her to type. He was relieved to finally hear from her. Life was going to be rough for her for awhile but she made it this far and the transplant was over now.

” dear jamie-im getting a little better every day. slow and hard. i tried 2 send u money but my card was out of date. i have 2 call 4 a replacement. im learning how to walk n talk all over again. i am bored we each have a cell but i know that yours is much worse. i chanted nam myoho renge kyo so hard in my head-screamed it. pain meds dont work on me and i have felt everything they did 2 me.but ive turned a corner n its a little better. i think of u every day hoping u werent 2 worried. everyone has their own choices and does things that cause unhappy things to happen. my grandfather taught me from childhood – To thine OWN SELF be true. no one can know u really. some think once a loser always a loser. that isn’t true because i guess that would makes me a loser 2 – former drug addict and all that comes with it. i just didnt get caught. u arent a loser. neither am i. i have to go. nurse is here. be good! Mom”

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To help support the editing and publishing of this book and music with much needed funding please patronize the new e-commerce store which is growing with leaps and bounds!

WATCH AND WHIRL SHOP at watchandwhirl.ecwid.com

Lions and Tigers and Bears – Oh My! My New Online Store

watchandwhirlShop

I’d like you to message me directly at the store using this link. Did I set it up correctly, messaging from a different location? Does it go to you messaging me? I also changed the storefront if you saw the first one.

Lions and Tigers and Bears – Oh My! I feel like I am crazily sprinting down the yellow brick road looking for the Emerald City, which looks just like my new store, Watch and Whirl (the online site, not the Facebook store. The Facebook store will take you to this site), inside a crazy dream and sometimes it scares the bejeezus out of me. I have semi-panic attacks thinking, “What have I done?” This all stems from the need to promote Jamie’s book. I have started this and I am in too deep financially to back out even if I wanted to, so every waking moment is spent on how to make the store work, scraping together money to pay for ads and trying to squeeze out time to write and record music – and to promote them. I can feel the stress and that has taken a lot of deep breathing to stay in control.

If you think you can, you can.  If you think you can’t you can’t.  You are right about both

Life has been overwhelmingly busy with the opening up of my online business. I will be converting my other blog, Watch and Whirl, into a business blog that will also host my store, and the blog will still be there as well. You can also find the store at Facebook by searching on the words, Watch and Whirl. This project has been more intense than I thought it would be. Advertising money is scarce and put me further in debt. The store will also go onto other platforms like Shopify and Amazon and others after this. I’ve been stocking it with all kinds of neat product, and it is 1/5 full. It is has a long way to grow! If you don’t use facebook and want to go to the online store here is the the URL

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The reason I am doing this because I need the money to hire an editor and to help Jamie get on his feet when he gets out, as well as help him now. Everything happens for a reason. If we open our eyes to the things that cross our life and act on them, we can succeed – if we believe in ourselves and focus intently on success in our future. This is what I have been teaching Jamie. If you doubt yourself you won’t succeed, but you eat it, sleep it and dream it – you can make it happen. I have to show that in my own life – with my music, the book and now this store which will earn me the money to make it a success.

An added bonus is the knowledge I am gaining about advertising and marketing that will be put to good use when the book is done and needs to be promoted. Some people write a book, put it on amazon and then try to learn what to do with it. I have been working on this for over 4 years, while learning how to write and writing a chapter over and over until I feel good about it. I will not put out sloppy product. It won’t sell, and I believe the message it has inside will help many other people who have been through this same situation, along with all of the family and friends who know what the prison system is doing to people. we talk about it but it doesn’t change. There is much many people need to learn so we can stand up and make it change instead of waiting for someone else to do it. When Jamie gets out he wants to be part of that change. But if you don’t have confidence in yourself you can’t do anything.

I’d like you to message me directly at the store using this link. I’ll get back with you as soon as I get it.

Jamie is very important to me. His relationship with my grandson is important. I want them to be happy. I hope this will spill over to my daughters life because she has been angry with me over what I am doing because she wanted to forget about him and go on with her life. But I cannot tell someone that I will be there for him and help him through this 17 years and back out. He has had a bad enough time as it is spending these years in adseg – administration segregation – which is solitary confinement. These years would have destroyed him, but instead he is strong and confident because I have been here to hold him up when the going got tough. I won’t let him down now.

If my message link isn’t working right, go to the store on Facebook and SEND ME A MESSAGE from there. It is either on the front under the store picture or with the “about” info links. I don’t know how you see the store. I can’t interact with you unless you send me a message first. Then, as the store changes and I have neat stuff I can send you updates and you can share them. Facebook is going to shortly kill off the news feed. It is already almost impossible to get info out with paying fb a lot of money. They are going to change to a messaging and groups platform which will stop a lot of the nastiness going on. fb is all about the user experience, not business ads.

One last important thing.  I don’t have international shipping – yet, but your friends and other contacts might live here and you can share things with them.

And if I’m not making sense I’m running on severe lack of sleep. Love you all!

The Last Of The Good ‘ol Days

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Credit to: http://streamingthruamerica.com

Propaganda is always successful when people confine themselves to exposure of only one half of a storyry through the media. They may convince themselves they know both sides, but they’d have to look where their information came from to understand the bias of what they read.

SHOULD THE MEDIA TELL US THE TRUTH

The same story told by progressive news vs conservation news will often not appear to be the same story because of the way it is twisted. Some stories might not told to both sides because it is not in the best interest of that political party’s members to know about it. Knowledge is controlled, and controlling it crucial in controlling its supporters. It keeps Trump’s base of angry supporters. 

If someone truly thinks that there is a witchhunt going to frame Trump, like he says, over and over, than his supporters need only to hear the information that sustains that belief. It doesn’t matter if Trump lies. The more he uses Twitter to tweet his feelings, true or not, once it is said it becomes truth in the mind of his supporters. They don’t want to hear anything that could destroy that belief. They want it to be true and they refuse to look at the actual facts of what is happening. They refuse to entertain the thought that he could be guilty of all that has been said. As long as Trump keeps crying “Fake news” and “Whichhunt,” they don’t have to listen to anything else. Even if it is proven he has committed crimes they won’t believe it. It will be all lies.

It is easy to see how their beliefs are formed. The drinking of Trump’s Kool-aid is complete. They would die for their “King” who wears no clothes simply because he believes he is clothed, like he believes he is loved by America even when so many don’t.  A poll of scientific historians placed him dead last of all presidents looking at the quality of his presidency.  Only he believes he is great, so only his supporters count as true Americans. They are the ones who constantly stroke his ego. 

Trump would like to see opposing Democrats killed by his angry supporters.Who would say something like that as president? He believes he is better than anyone who came before him  or who could come after him so he should be able to continue indefinitely.  I believe that issue is something the GOP will propose – strongly – and will become a new chant. Trump believes he should be King. Then he would be royalty and adored by all in the world. He is deranged. 

Trump has always been corrupt in his business dealings.  He pits America against itself in the worst possible way by making his supporters fight against those who are able to see through him. He then believes the best of America is made up of only his supporters and the rest can go to hell. He believes they are liars who need to be by put down by his military, his police and his motorcycle gangs, who he said are really tough people. He said the democrats are going to get hurt if they continue to oppose him. He continually talks about how loved he is. This is what he psychologically needs – love and adoration. “America loves me. I am the best thing to happen to this country. No president has been better loved than me,” over and over until he convinces himself.

There is history being created now which we are going to look back on and regret. What kind of America will my grandchildren live in. I am scared and angry that this has been allowed. We are taking our last look at what will be called “the good ‘ol days.”

SHOULD TRUMP BE ALLOWED TO HURT THIS COUNTRY JUST BECAUSE HE IS PRESIDENT

This is Trump.  We would find help for him if he were a relative, instead of giving excuses and justifications for his outlandish behavior – and if the people he puts in high places hurt the people of this great country I have always been proud to be part of, and they help drag us into the pollution that causes our distinction, oh well, they must think, it’s the Democrats fault. As long as they were loyal to Trump and bent to kiss his – ring? . . . Then it’s not their fault, is it. 

He believes controlling “his people” like a dictator would be a great thing, like Putin. He would like to do away with congress because it gets in his way. There should only be one branch of the government  not three  He has fine – tuned his instincts and they are better than anyone else’s instincts so don’t question him. America belongs to him to do with how he wants. Fulfill his demands. Build this wall he desperately wants.

Most of the GOP happily supports Trump, but Americans overwelming want congress to defy Trump and stop his veto.   What happens when he is no longer president? Where will his supporters go? What will they do when their ringleader has no power at all? Will he call for war so his supporters will fight for him as he says they will? Well he use war as a reason to stay president? 

If we fall for it, the emotions he is trying so hard to stir up in us, and succeeding, then we as a country are going to lose more than we can imagine. His corruption has seeped into every part of our lives with corruption in education, corruption to the quality of our food with the continued allowance of Monsanto and other chemicals, housing and medical care with the draining of Medicare and Medicaid, to name a few. They will not be there for those who are not rich enough to make up the deficits with their bank accounts. They will have to go without the social safety net he is destroying. Republicans will be laughing while pushing Trump’s agenda along.

DOES THE RIGHT HAVE DIFFERENT NEEDS THAN THE LEFT? 

Republicans, I guess, don’t need those socialist programs. They scream about it. Republicans don’t need  and I hope refuse to collect Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, SNAP, Section 8 or anything else which barely keeps some of us alive. Without it many would die quickly if there is no housing, no medical care and less food. Thank you GOP for trying to destroy it. 

Trump will go emotionally off the rails if his power is taken away just because of – and he will say – a corrupt election – a fixed election, and continue to call people absurd names. The “fake” media will eat it up and the propaganda will be never ending. He will not want to lose power and if he loses, he will call for violence. It his nature that will make him do that because he thinks he is the greatest president of all time, so how could he lose an election! The results must be false! And he must lose if we are to survive. How many people will die in the process?

Those that drunk too heavily of the Kool Aid will feel they need to protect him and do violent things in his name, which we have already seen. If you can’t see this then you really are being influenced by the lies he continually says as he puffs up his fathers. Trump is not king. He is not a dictator, yet that is what he is trying to do and his loyal subjects who only hear his words are going to hurt people at the next change of power. There is always a change. Our country is built on elections even if that system is broken. No one person should have the power he wants for the rest of his life.

Maybe this needed to happen to show us who the politicians are who do things in the dark behind our backs, when they are supposed to be accountable to the people. Both political parties are so corrupt, bought by corporations who fill their campaign coffers. They do things good for themselves and their continued important places in our government, but they do not govern in a way that is good for all of the people in America.

We need leaders who listen to what the people need and not hide what they are doing. We need to get rid of congressmen who don’t have limits on their time because their corruption and their sense of entitlement has progressed too far. Maybe that can’t happen without an uprising of some sort, but people are going to get hurt.

Lately I haven’t been sharing many political articles on Facebook. I’m not going to convince anyone of anything at this point. The minds of the people of America have long been set in stone. No matter what Trump does they will twist it in some way that makes it a good thing for them. If the quality of life goes down they will blame Democrats in some way. I am not looking forward to the next 18 months of this campaign. I am so tired already of the crap in the media and this one is going to be particularly nasty.

IS THIS THE END FOR US? 

To survive as the people of the United States of America we need to look past a person’s party. We have all lost friends or family who are on the “other side”. But that does not make up the whole of who someone is. There is more to all of us are than what “side” we are, on. Do we throw away our friendships and family who thinks differently about politics?

It is like the fight between the North and the South. We are still fighting to end racism so all races can be equal. But if the president thinks White Nationalists are good people, too, then the killing continues. Those killers approve of Trump because he supports them and more people die because of it  To end Trump’s racist police supporters who continue to kill black people for weak excuses and get away with it, we need better laws in spite of what he thinks. 

Will it get to the point, with our guns, that Republicans and Democrats will kill each in a civil war other over the politics of Trump? Is he worth that? Is he so great that we will kill each other over him? That will feed his ego to the breaking point. He will then have a solid hold in the history of this country, and that is a sad day for us.

Will it come to that? I think it might. But the people in America need to stop fighting each other and focus on fighting the corruption, or the country we become will be too fractured to function the way many of us remember, and like Humpty Dumpty, no one will be able to put us back together again.

Is Racism Okay at School Just Because They are Kids?

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I have two grandsons in Texas who have black fathers. One of them is Jamie son in writing the book about. He is 12. A white boy came up to him on the school play yard and yelled at him that he was a slave and threw a basket ball at his face and broke his glasses.

     To give my grandson credit he didn’t react in anger. He went to the principle and told him what happened. Nothing came out of. The principle talked to the other boy’s mother and said charges would be pressed if her son did anything like that again. Oh, so her son would be a good boy now? I’m sure this wasn’t his first act of aggression at age 12. That mother should have offered to pay for the glasses her son broke. Since she didn’t you know what she thinks about what her son did. 

     I have two grandsons in Texas who have black fathers. One is Jamie’s son that I’m writing the book about. He is 12, nearing 13. I have been concerned for years about my grandsons. With rising racism and acts of aggression  often by our police force, there are too many kids being taught the same thing about Blacks that previous generations taught – being white means you are better. It’s getting worse instead of better.

     A white parent doesn’t have to fear for the lives of their children in the same way. White people might cower on the street if a black person gets too close, but that is because they believe the propanganda that black men are out to steal their purse and rape them on site.

     Does that happen? Of course. There are bad people of every race and they are just as likely to be accosted  and killed by white men. There is no criminal gene in a black man. And black people don’t call the cops on white people who sit down in the same restaurant. Black people are not trigger happy.  White America wants to have their guns, but a black man with a registered gun is just another reason to kill him.  

     Here is what happened. A white boy in school came up to my grandson and yelled at him that he was a slave and threw a basketball at his face and broke his glasses. To give my grandson credit he didn’t react in anger. He went to the principle and told him what happened. Nothing came out of it. The principle talked to the other boy’s mother and said charges would be pressed if her son did anthing like that again, but he didn’t have to apologize, the parents didn’t have to buy new glasses. The principle would not arrange a parent meeting. Nothing.

     The principle told my daughter that speaking to the mother would not change her views. CHANGE HER VIEWS?? Did she teach her son to be racist? Was the principle afraid a scene might happen in his school that would get attention? When one child hurts another on school grounds, when is it okay to say, “Let’s just wait to see if it happens again?” Should it be addressed AFTER more poorly raised children decide its the right thing to do to commit a hate crime?

     And I know – it’s begun. The innocent part of my grandsons lives is gone. My daughter won’t always be there to protect them and the world out there is a crappy place for black boys to grow up in. The cops will be next. This is Texas. Very Republican and very racist. White parents don’t understand this fear because they are the ones who condone it and help cause it. Not All white parents feel that way about All black children and teach their children to hate, but it only takes one to destroy their life. 

     Granted, my daughter can be a hot head and she is fiercely protective of her children. She would get in that woman’s face. The boy who threw the basketball was not held accountable for his actions so he is probably bragging to his friends about what he did, and the mother is probably saying, “Now, honey, you shouldn’t throw things at other people but I’m proud of you for putting that black boy in his place!”

     After the years Jamie has spent in prison, if anything happens to his son because of racism I don’t know how he would deal with it. More loss is too much loss for one man. It scares me. And I know I would not have let that principle get away with not conducting a face to face meeting with the parents. Their son will end up hurting someone else because he already feels the privilege of being white. Cause and effect. I don’t know how to stop it except to continue to make people aware.

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Change of subject. I have started 2 online stores. The products are changing and growing daily. I need to raise money for Jamie. To help him – and finishing this book will take more money than my disability will allow. A Store is perfect for me because I owned a brick and morter store in the past  in Key West before the need for a liver transplant took over my life. Cancer has once again reared its ugly head and they cut off most of my left ear. So if I’m going to work, E commerce is perfect 

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     I’d like to ask that you take a look at my store at Facebook. Put Watch and Whirl in the search bar. If I’m not connected to you I can’t send an invite. I’m still putting products in. It’s hard to ask people to buy something, but you might see something at a later time. So if you “like” and “follow” the page that will help fb determine if it’s worth showing you my post without paying them.

If you don’t use Facebook than go to this link:

watchandwhirl.ecwid.com