This is well written and talks about other aspects that affect more than just black households. But it is more common I believe, because there is a higher percentage of household with no father. Not necessarily because they want it that way but because they have to visit him in prison.There are many families where there is only a mother. The effect it has on the children isn’t realized until they are on their own also trying to maintain relationships and raising children, but never had a good example to follow.
I want to start by saying I am not detailing problems unique in the black community or saying black people suffer from this pathology more. However, I will say that enmeshment coupled with economic disenfranchisement causes a different manifestation of enmeshment. This article will detail how I have seen this issue play out over time.
Enmeshment, also called emotional incest, is when a parent uses a child for emotional support in a way that is normal for a husband or boyfriend. The parent typically takes an opposite sex child and elevates them above their romantic partner. Due to this elevation, the child will have issues in his or her future romantic relationships. Enmeshment will manifest itself in a child with an irrational avoidance of intimacy or irrational need to rush intimacy in the child’s adult life.
Due to the system of economic disenfranchisement, black people have a harder time gaining…
My husband said he couldn’t sleep at all xstmas eve because Santa’s reindeer were all over our roof trying to find a chimney that didn’t exist, so he didn’t get any sleep. But outside the front door Santa left 3 packages wrapped up in typing paper and heavy packing tape – gummy worms, twizzlers and Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. He lovingly put them under the tree for me and then WOKE ME UP OUT OF A DEAD SLEEP to take me by the hand out to the tree, trying not to laugh! It was so worth it!
It’s almost the ends of the year. So much can happen in such a short period of time. It’s hard to believe is the end of December. For everyone who follows this blog and anyone who drops in from time to time, you have my sincere thanks. It has been what encourages me to keep going. This isn’t a “happy” blog. There are no happy holidays in prison and no happy birthdays or happy anything – that we take for granted and say so easily without even thinking about it. We say it even when we don’t mean it because it’s just something to say. And the little star you can check to say you like a post, or twitter who just changed their like button to a heart to indicate emotion – you loved it. Believe it or not that is why they changed it. But how do you “like” a blog post if it isn’t about something likable? depressing even. How about a button to indicate if you thought what it said was important?
Here I was today having xstmas with my family, everyone gathered for dinner, with music playing ( not my music because except for my mother, my immediate family has never heard me play in my entire adult life and has shown no interest in doing so) and gifts given out. My mother didn’t want me to talk about anything of importance to me, just play along and pretend we’re a happy family. So I did. That kinda takes the subject down to other people’s jobs or the weather.
I couldn’t talk about what I do. Too depressing for family gatherings, although I don’t see them at any other time except a very occasional family gathering. Tomorrow everyone is driving to one sister’s house to have xstmas with her family, but I wasn’t invited to that gathering. Anyone else have a dysfunctional family? It really sucks. But oh well, that’s life. Overall, I think my mother was happy and that was most important. She put a lot of effort into making food.
So tomorrow I will do what I always do – start working when I wake until I fall asleep at the computer in the middle of the night, working on a new chapter for my book, or finishing another piece of music and poetry, working on all the necessary, time consuming social networking, letter writing to all my “boys” in prison with words of encouragement, and maybe(?) do a load of laundry.
Other people who haven’t been to my blogs can find my music at that website by using the hash tags #piano music or #original piano or #improvisational piano, so it widens my reach. But if YOU go it also increases the stats. Leave a comment? Even better. People listen to things they see other people have listened to. They can also find out about the blog there. Self promoting is hard work. There are also many other artists there and you can create playlists. Established artists and unknowns.
Peace and love and I hope you have happy holidays to remember.