What Goes Around Comes Around – Poetry

For the chapter and music with the same title for my hocking Book Inside The Forbidden Outside. One of the themes that is stressed throughout the book is the law of cause and effect. Where we are at any moment is the effect of the causes we put in motion

What Goes Around Comes Around.

What goes around comes around
Outside looking in
Not understanding what we’ve done
When new effects begin

What goes around comes around
Inside looking out
Not understanding it’s already done
We can’t change what life’s about

Hands on a clock telling time
Counting minutes into years
The music playing in my head
Turns fears into falling tears

The universe lit up with stars
Spinning around the sun
To let us know as it slowly turns
A new day has begun

What goes around comes around
It’s written, carved in stone
We bear the fruit of who we are
From all things that we’ve done

Dance With The Devil, Dance

Source: pxleyes.com


Lurking in back of my eyes
Tasting the smells, seeing the ghosts
No matter how often I tried
Which memories shame me the most
It reminds me of where I’ve been
And how many miles I’ve gone
I tied it up in a garbage bag
And kept on walking alone

Too late, it caught up beside me
And said hi, where have you been?
Its time to pay the price dear
You can’t run away from sin
You made a cause, the effect is now
There’s no choice, you can’t get away
You chose to play, it’s time to pay
It’s your end game, take a bow

It’s the game of games, winner takes all
You can’t run away, you’ll stumble and fall
If you lose there is no second chance
Dance with devil, dance dance

There is no way to get around it
Finish the hand life dealt
No matter the depth of pain it caused
No matter the fear you felt
It’s time for you to pay the price
There’s no choice, you can’t change the rules
You’re rolling the dice for your life
You can’t play me like I’m the fool

Years have passed, would you do it again
Knowing who you’ve become
Knowing how the game ends
When you thought you were having fun
Was it worth the price you had to pay
Would you do it different today
Looking in the mirror
Seeing scars that never fade

It’s the game of games, winner takes all
You can’t run away, you’ll stumble and fall
If you lose there is no second chance
Dance with the devil, dance dance
Dance with the devil, dance dance

Sonni Quick © 2019

(This is lyrics for new music)

Poetry and Chapter – Unintended Consequences (edited)

Unintended Consequences

I never thought I’d have to live
in such a lonely place
I touch the walls on either side
I never thought I’d call this home
Memories here I can’t erase
Two thousand people all alone

I never thought this was where I’d be
My life would work it out
I never dreamed my window
was the only way I’d see
the beauty of the world outside
How can I continue?

An unintended consequence
Not thinking what will be
the end result, not thinking through
Pretending I was being free
I didn’t think, I never thought
my careless choice I can’t undo

I never thought what would I crave
the most if taken away
The touch of skin, your silken breath?
Sends goosebumps up my spine
I shiver once and cry for more
“You didn’t think,” I heard you cry

I only have my memories now
To keep me warm at night
I wrap my arms around my head
Pretending you are touching me
It will be years, will you be gone?
Touching someone else instead

An unintended consequence
Not thinking what will be
the end result, not thinking through
Pretending I was living free
But I didn’t think, I never thought
It would mean losing you


Sonni Quick ©2018

It is a process, writing, editing, chapters, blog posts, music, videos and poetry. I love doing all of it. It would be great if I could split my brain in two and do two things at the same time.

Today as I went through my notes I realized I had a half finished poem. That chapter was published about 6 months ago. Today I will post part of it for those who want to read it. Please subscribe for full chapters. Afterward just drop me a message and I’ll email the complete chapter to you.



It was so hard to keep his head together. Jamie’s mind went all over the place. It was hard when there was no one to talk to. There was no reason to not let his mind wander anywhere it wanted to go. He was so alone. He could only talk to himself. He was in 24/7 lock up for a year.

Administrative segregation, or adseg, it was called. Solitary in other prisons. It was all the same thing. He had tried so hard to not let this happen. Did it matter if he tried or not? Why did he agonize over it. He tried to stay away from trouble but it always found him, anyway.
     Mentally, he felt himself going down and there was nothing to keep him from smashing headfirst onto the bottom. He didn’t know what was going on. But he tried to get it together. Before this happened he tried. He didn’t know if he could try anymore.
    Before he got sent to lock up he had made a change in his life. It was a pretty big one. He thought at the time that maybe it would help, maybe not. Some dudes he met told him about Islam. He decided to join with them. They still believed in God, or Allah they called him, but there were a lot of differences in what the two religions believed. There were a lot of Christians and a lot of Muslims all saying they were right and the other was evil. His can they both be right? Islam has been around longer he was told.
     These inmates weren’t like a lot of the other ones. They didn’t talk tough. Peace was way more important than violence, than who was bigger and badder.
    He decided to give it a try because everything he had learned through the Bible didn’t do anything to help him. It never changed anything for him, no matter how much he prayed. His prayers weren’t answered. It didn’t make any difference and he thought by now something would have happened to let him know God was at least thinking about helping him.
     One of them gave him a book about the Islamic faith so he would have something to read and study. It wasn’t and he was supposed to pray five times a day. He needed a prayer rug to do it right but he didn’t have a way to get one. Still, he tried to learn and went to their meetings.    Then this happened and he was more alone than ever.
     To have your life so controlled in prison was more than anyone could take without getting angry and wanting to bust everything up. How was he supposed to get rid of the anxiety? Eat now, sleep now, shower now, breathe now, take a crap now otherwise the toilet won’t flush and you have to look at and smell the shit all day. No, you can’t go to commissary. He couldn’t do anything unless it was at the right time that someone else determines.
     A year completely alone, meals alone and no one to talk to. It was too long. There was nothing to break the monotony, the boredom. Bits and pieces of thoughts swirled around in his brain and they wanted to make him crazy.
     Things were happening in his life on the outside he couldn’t control or fix. How could he deal with this confinement day after day and not be able to do anything about it?
     Not only that, he knew there was another man in Morgan’s life, but that had nothing to do with what they shared. But he couldn’t talk to her about it and it was killing him. He had to keep what they had separate from any other person. It was his sanity. The two ideas didn’t touch. He couldn’t handle thinking about it any other way.  They shared the treasure of a son together. Nothing could take that away. She wouldn’t be with this dude if he hadn’t screwed up. He needed to believe she was still waiting, but it was getting harder and harder to do that.
     It was his own fault – all of it. Trying to find the answer wasn’t easy and many days he wanted to crawl under the floor and give up – just cash it in. Stop thinking of the future. He might not make make it that far. He might not get out of here.
     He started and stopped hunger strikes. He would only pull himself out of a funk because he was afraid of what it would do to his son. How would he deal with his own life when he grew up if he knew his father gave up on his?

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Am I Too Broken To Mend -ITFO Chapter, Poetry and Music



Fractures from falling
Invisible pain
Counting the minutes
Like drops in the rain
It runs down my body
Soothing my skin
Gathers the heartbeats
Holding them in

Imagine forever
Time without rest
The passing of memories
My hand on my breast
Feeling my heartbeat
Wanting to end
I’m broken in pieces
Too many to mend?

You get back what you give
No more, nothing less
Trace the wound with your finger
A tiny caress
Time doesn’t linger
Waiting to heal
The pieces of you
That forgot how to heal

This is a partial chapter. To read complete chapters subscribe to ITFO News below. Any new subscribers from this date I will automatically send the current chapter. If you have already subscribed to ITFO News and would like it, drop me an email at squick@mynameisjamie.net and type – Please send Too Broken To Mend” in the email subject line and I’ll send it to you. 


Am I Too Broken To Mend


Jamie reached his hands out and braced them on the wall. This was bullshit. He was tired of being on the receiving end of being ignored. What was the point? He tried hard to let it pass over him but today it got to him. He knew they were trying to make him angry. If they succeeded they could write up another case on him.
     Being in adseg was deliberate, they didn’t want to let him out of here, but he was determined to make his way back to G2 so he could go to school. He needed to take care of his family when he got out and that won’t happen if he didn’t have schooling and learn to do something that made enough money. Right now he couldn’t make enough money to take care of himself. If that happened what would he do? Would his family take care of him? For how long?
     The warden wanted him right where he was. Guards had an easy job when the men were locked up in their cells so they did whatever they could to make sure that happened. It didn’t help him none when he burst out with anger. He needed to learn to control his emotions.
     Once again the nurse pretended he wasn’t there when she made her rounds giving out meds. As she continued walking past him down the hall he yelled, “My meds, where are they? It’s been three days.”
     To top it off she turned around and gave him a cocky, know-it-all smile.IHer actions were deliberate. She knew he was supposed to get his seizure medication. Most likely she was told to skip him again. It didn’t make sense until he realized how much money the medical unit made by shorting inmates. He knew he wasn’t the only one being skipped. It didn’t matter what illness you had, they were going to short your meds. Who were you going to complain to?
     “I want to talk to an officer,” he yelled as the bars at the end of the hallway door slid open and clanked shut as she walked through.
   “I want to file a grievance,” he yelled louder, even though she was now beyond being able to hear him.
      It was pointless to file. No good ever came of it. He hadn’t heard of even one person saying they had filed one and it worked. The prison wasn’t going to stop because a complaint was filed. If anything, they would retaliate so you better think about how worth it was. The staff always got away with anything they did to the inmates. Nobody cared.
     He knew the chances of having more seizures increased every time they skipped his meds. They probably wrote in his file that they gave it to him so it would be his word against theirs. Maybe he should write it all down so if it was ever checked he’d have proof on his end, if that helped.

<<< >>>

Jamie turned around, put his back against the wall and slid down until he was squatting on the floor. He folded his arms across his knees and lowered his forehead until it rested on his arms. He was tired; tired of doing nothing.
He stayed that way for a long time thinking about how seizures had messed up his life and his helplessness at not being able to control them. It was a weakness they could take advantage of and there was nothing he could do about it.
     As a child he knew he was different from three other kids. His mama made him stay close to her. He want allowed to go outside and run around with the misc in the neighborhood. She checked on him a lot at night, afraid he would have a seizure when he was sleeping and she wouldn’t be there to help him through it. 
     As he got older the seizures got worse. When he was twelve he had brain surgery. He was having non-stop headaches and his mom was worried. The doctor said there was bleeding on his brain and he wanted to see if he could stop it.
     “So what did they do?”
     At the sound of her voice Jamie jerked his head up. He had been almost asleep. Maybe he was still asleep. He pinched himself, but it didn’t change anything. He had been half expecting her to come back and at the same time realized that if she did, it could mean he was starting to lose it. He slowly turned his head and looked at her.
     There she was, sitting besides him on the floor, looking over at him just as casual as she could be, smiling, like it was a normal thing to be sitting next to him on the floor of a men’s prison. What should he do? He smiled back.
     “Better get used to it,” he mumbled to himself under his breath. He had a feeling this was just the beginning.
   “What did they do,” she repeated, as though she had been sitting beside him all along listening to the thoughts in his head. How long had she been sitting there? Could she hear what he was thinking, too? If she could that would be scary.
     Okay, if they were going to do this again, so be it. He wasn’t going to call the guard this time to see if he could see her, too. He didn’t want to get locked up with the crazies. He’d never get another hour of sleep. They scream and moan all night. What was he thinking? He must be nuts. No one would believe him if he told them. He closed his eyes and answered her question. “I don’t think I was ever so scared, even when I was arrested.” 
     “I was having a lot of seizures. They made me feel sick. My mom was really worried.”
     “What caused them,” she asked.
     “People have them for different reasons,” he told her.
    “Sometimes, during their life they had a head a head injury, maybe in some sort of accident. Sometimes it takes years to have the first seizure.”
    “But there was no explanation for mine.” he added.
    “They were always there, from the very beginning, as soon as I was being born.”

End of partial chapter . . .


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Is it Rain or Tears – Music Video and Poetry

This is the latest music video for the book “Inside The Forbidden Outside,” along with poetry written for it. When it is published in both paperback and Ebook, I want the videos to open in each chapter and give emotion to each chapter. I’m not to sure how to do that or if it is even feasible but it’s worth a shot to find out. My brain works mysterious ways, lol, finding ways to make this more complicated as I write.  I see it in my head. It makes this whole project of writing and music more fun to do. Below are the words found in the video.


Is it rain or is it tears
I felt it on my face
It seldom ceases through the years
Will time be able to erase
the scars created by the pain
I bow my head, the water flows
and cleanses all, a healing rain
The sense of calm a tear bestows

Is it rain or is it tears
I felt them one by one
the wetness soothing untold fears
my dying thirst will be undone
I close my eyes, reach out my hands
scrape my knuckles on the wall
blood mixes with the tears that land
to soothe the pain and heal it all

Is it rain or is it tears
Is it salty when you taste
wetness on your outstretched tongue
slowly falling from your face
The crying tears, the falling rain
mixes on your skin
Cools the heat and soothes the pain
and lets the hope again begin

©2018  Sonni Quick

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Can Anybody Hear Me?



Can anybody hear me?
Is anybody there?
Can anybody tell me
How I’m supposed to bear
The never ending silence
of no one in my head
Yet chaos on the outside
makes me scream instead

Who am I to talk to?
Who can understand?
The pain of never knowing
The thoughts of another man
I wait beside my cell door
For mail to call my name
And hope I’m not forgotten
I’m lonely just the same

Did anybody listen?
To the cries they heard inside
Did anybody wonder?
If my hope for life had died
Did anybody hear me?
Did you wait outside my door?
Or did you leave and walk away
You’re not waiting anymore

by Sonni Quick. ©2018


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Skunk Radio Live


The Cage

The music “So Long Old Friends” might begin to play automatically. Click on the arrow of this music and it will switch over ( or listen to both and tell me which one you like better!)

Leaving a prison cell


by Sonni Quick


The only place life exists
for me
It doesn’t change, I can’t resist
or see
a world beyond, a chance to choose
and be
a man who craved to learn and grow

I look around and see a rat-
filled box
a metal door, a gray food slot
with locks
Afraid to eat the food they bring
guards stick
filthy hands into my tray
that’s sick

I bide my time, I count the days
and weep
months and years go slowly by
I sleep
dream away my years of life
the loss
was greater than I understood
it cost

Years tick by one by one
they pass
four years left it’s gettin close
at last
the cage gets small, it seems to breathe
with me
Will I fit into the world one day?


Sonni Quick © 2017


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Dreaming For Tomorrow



Where are you going?

I see you walking in the distance

In the open air, no walls around you

What are you thinking?

You move your feet in a tiny dance

A smile appears. There is no one to stop you

Stretch your arms, there is nothing to feel

but the wind through your fingers

and the sun on your skin

It’s been a long time since life felt so real

Where are you running?

so fast and so free 

You fall to the ground and look to sky

Watch the birds and the clouds moving lazily

You understand now what it feels like to fly

The piano music is titled “Inside The Forbidden Outsidecopyright 2015 by Sonni Quick.

If you want to hear any of the other music go to http://soundcloud.com/sonni-quick. As with anything online, stats are important. Share, like or leave a comment for others to see. It would be a benefit for me. When my arm heals I’m coming out of retirement from music 14 years ago and play again.

For those not familiar with my music, it is all improvised. If there is an error it becomes part of the piece. I can’t play it again the same exact way. I recorded this as I was writing Jamie’s book. As my damaged arm becomes functional I can continue recording and editing the book.

When I woke this morning I had a vision of Jamie in the distance and these words came to mind. I thought how  it must be to never be able to stretch out your arms and not touch something. His world is so small. No ability to run with abandon. We crave what we can’t have

How Long Would You Wait For An Inmate?


I watched a video recently about inmates who have long sentences and what happens to those who initially supported them – those that were good friends and even family, spouses and long term girlfriends. They think at the time they will wait for them until they get out. They will stick by them until they are released no matter how long it takes. They mean it when they say it. They can’t imagine not being there for them, but they eventually go away. They start writing less and having excuses. They slowly forget them. They go on. But what if there are children?  

The documentary stated that three years was the about the longest time even the people most in love can make it. Brothers and sisters make themselves believe they are too busy. But really, how much time does it take to write a brief note and say, “I still love you, bro.” instead of saying, “It’s not my fault you’re in there.” as if anyone blamed them for it. I only know what it has done to Jamie because he had to find a way to make himself not care. I know how hard that is. I’ve been through it but for different reasons. The pain is the same.

People can be pretty selfish and it’s hard for them to support someone who is incarcerated, so a lengthy sentence means they are pretty much on their own.  A few kind words helps with depression when your family shows they love you. Family is often the first to hurt you because they feel entitled to do it. They pass judgement and are often the first to hang you out to dry. When the sentence is over do they expect all will be forgiven and life goes on as it did many years before? That is a tough question. I doubt they’d want to hear about what they have been through. Experiences have made them different people . How can they relate to each other? If it was a long sentence or a life sentence – forget it. So many people inside have absolutely no one, regardless of the reason they are there. Many didn’t have anyone before they went in.

Remembering My Life  by Sonni Quick  copyright 2015

After three years they might still have mom; maybe their kids and maybe they are now grown, although probably they visited infrequently. The more years that go by, older family dies and you are on your own. The unfairness of sentencing – life with no possibility of parole for what could be a simple theft – theft for a variety of reasons – with no one hurt. Still a crime, but a crime that should have a sentence that equals the crime and likely, at most should carry 5 years and then released -given back their life, but instead, depending on the state they are given life – a death sentence in some states because you are black. Buried alive. And maybe it was a serious crime. Either way the sentence is the same -cut off from everyone they love so they can be slaves for corporations who think their life has no value beyond the work a slave is meant to do.

I don’t blame my daughter for moving on from her life with Jamie. He doesn’t blame her, either. He never stopped loving her because she will always be the mother of his son. They are connected, but he has long since wanted anything else from her except for her to be happy. Life was hard raising kids on her own with little help. Her life is stable now with a man in her life who is good to her and her children. He has been a good father to their son and her other children. I am happy about that, but it left Jamie on his own without his family who hasn’t been there for him at all in eleven years. It left him without his son because no one would bring him to visit.

His family has not once helped him see his son. Excuses for ten years. No one could be bothered. I do blame them. They let him suffer on his own. No one thought of what that would do to him. The law of cause and effect is strict. Even if they are Christian you real what you sow. You get back what you give.

I worked hard to keep his head screwed on straight because I cared. No one else cared. Was I supposed to walk away from him, too, and still live with myself? Was I supposed to hurt him, too? Is that the kind of person I am? Should I have felt after three years that I had done enough? No, absolutely not. I only wish I could have done more.


Sept 2016

Hello Beautiful,

From reading your letter it looks like your hands have been full. All this stuff you do on the internet. I’ve never messed around on the internet. Of course it’s nothing like it was back in the 90’s. We had a computer but no internet. There was no Windows or a mouse that you clicked on a screen. time-coverI was reading the new Time magazine I got. On the cover it has a little furry monster with horns, a big grin and also had a laptop on his lap. The article speaks about all different websites, what they are used for and so on. However, the main topic was about the hate in the internet world. It’s everywhere and it’s crazy.  I think about that. People can hate and not be seen. They teach their kids to hate. You can pass them on the street and not know how much they hate and crap they spread all over the world. They don’t get hurt, but it causes other people to hurt each other.

Moving on: Guess what I had for breakfast. I must say the breakfasts have been a lot better lately. Scrambled eggs, two pieces of toast, jelly and butter’ 1oz bowl of bran flakes and peaches. On this date next month I will have the exact same thing. The menu does not change.

I know it’s been hard taking care of your mom and doing all the things you do. Don’t try to do too much. You usually do. As time goes by maybe you’ll have more help from other family members. Please tell your mom I said hi and tell her not to give up.

I do know this. If I believe in anyone it is you. If you tell me not to worry, then okay, I won’t worry. You tell me you aren’t going anywhere. I believe that. I have to believe that. Sometimes it is hard because I see what happens to dudes in here. I get scared I’m going to lose you, but you tell me you aren’t going anywhere. I don’t think I would have made it without you. I won’t worry anymore.


Hey, can you do something for me? Can you look up anything you can find on the statue of Liberty in New York? I told this dude she had a name so he and I went back and forth about how it was a gift from the French, but we don’t know anything else about her history. Also, from now on, if you send books please have them be educational. English, history, math and science. I really do need to work on my education. I can’t wait for them to let me learn things.

That’s all for now. I have to get this out before they pick up mail.

Love always, Jamie

Someboy's son, sonely inmate, inmate family loss
source credit: ripten..com


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feel the rain               


This piece was written for the book I’m writing of the same title. It is the longing of being on the inside looking out. You can find first draft copies of some of the chapters written in the blog post written before this. I would honestly like your opinion of what has been written.

Inside The Forbidden Outside      by Sonni Quick  copyright 2016


Inside the forbidden outside
Looking out through only one side
Never feel the sun through the other side
Never feel it on my skin
I want to feel the breeze of the wind
Feel the grass beneath my feet
See the sunset when the light meets
the earth and sinks beneath

Inside the forbidden outside
Where nothing is for real
I have to close my eyes and think
To remember how life feels
I’ll never take for granted
That things, like rain, are free
I’ll never lose another day
When freedom comes to me

Outside looking inside
Looking through the other side
Never see the world through my eyes
Never live your life like me
Don’t take your life for granted
Don’t take the chance to lose
The touch of grass beneath your feet
or the freedom . . .to choose


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