Finally Going To The Prison To See Jamie!

There is a letter below I wrote to Jamie some time ago. It isn’t dated, but it was within the last two years. I was going through documents. For those of you who have read his letters or even some of the ones I posted that are mine, have commented on our relationship. You can’t write such personal letters to someone for this many years and not care about them. When the only communication you can have is the written word you learn a lot about each other.

This coming Wednesday I am finally taking a trip to Texas and I will be taking Jamie’s son to see him. He hasn’t seen him in almost 3 years – the last time I visited. He probably got my letter today where I told him I’m coming down. I wish I could have been there when he got the letter just to see the happiness on his face! I was hoping I could get new pictures but they only have a photographer one day in a month and it won’t be when I am there.

*******************************

Dear Jamie,
You and I – all these years behind us – our writing was never based on sex. It has always been been about friendship and being there for you because your family never was. You have always been behind bars. So we never had a fight or a break up and get back together the way every other relationship does. We haven’t hurt each other. We haven’t been judgemental. It was very rare to even see each other – only one time. But I know Jamie, as much as I have ever known anything, that I do love you, because you can’t write to someone for that long and not care. We have had these years of writing and getting to know each other. It was never about sex and romance.  It has been about two people who have been there for each other when we needed it. We both knew what it felt like to be abandoned by the very people you would expect to care and that is hard to deal with.

You in prison and me out here – it doesn’t matter what we look like. It doesn’t matter how old we are. It doesn’t matter that I am 9 years older than your mother. I know you – the man. I know your hurts. I know your desires. You can be honest with me about anything. You can tell me when you fail. You can tell me when you win, because underlying the whole thing is that I care very much that you succeed. I want you to get out of there and have a life you enjoy and are proud of. And I know that is going to be very hard because you won’t know what to do. It will be like getting out and no one speaks English and no one understands what you are saying. It will be very frustrating – and angering – because you will want respect and people are not going to want to give it to you. I understand because it is the same thing I go through with my family and it hurts. But it won’t put me in prison. You? It could, if you are not very very careful. But how can you know what to do when you don’t know what to do? It’s a vicious circle. This is why I stress that you have to be working on this now – not when you get out, or that swinging door will hit you in the ass and knock you back inside. Beyond baking you a cake, your family will not help you.

I am working hard to help you become the man you are inside that no one else sees.  I am working to make your life respectable and help you create a life inside this book I’m writing that will hopefully give you the support of people who will know who you are before you ever walk out those doors.reap what you sow

I am here for you to lean on so you don’t feel alone. This is the kind of love two people have when the desire for sex wears off – it always wears off. People start their relationship on how good the sex is but when they get bored they break up and find other people.  This happens because they didn’t take the time to learn how to communicate and be honest with each other.  I’m getting old and will be quite old when you get out. If I were younger it would be different. It’s really kind of a shame in some ways, but in a good way it doesn’t run through the negatives like jealousy and insecurity or wondering if the other person is cheating on them. It surpasses all that. I continue to use “mom” and “son” in my letters because people reading the blog would never be able to understand. I play the role of what a mother should be doing for you and isn’t. Your mother loves you because she gave birth to you – but she doesn’t know you nor does she understand how her lack of being there for you has affected you. This is why – all those years ago when I realized you had no one to count on – I jumped in there to fill that empty space. You had been through too much in your life and I was afraid you wouldn’t make it. Most everyone wondered, “Why do you even care?”  It’s because that is the way I am. If I were to describe my personality – I am a “fixer” with an addictive personality. That means when I do something – I do it completely, no matter what it is. I see things through to the end.

encouragement, grief, oevercoming obastacles

It was something about you. There was a reason that brought us into each others life and I believe it isn’t the first time. You and I are continuing on a path we’ve been on before or I wouldn’t have this intense desire/need to make sure you are okay. This need to help teach you what you need to know to change this path for yourself. This urgency to keep telling you that you have to take control and make your life go in the direction you want it to instead of letting life slap you around. That is love, Jamie. I want you to have a better life.  There is a positive inside every negative so even this time in prison has a positive inside it if you learn the meaning of why it happened to you.

Do you not think I have smiled and wished my life wasn’t going by as fast as it is – and inside my head I think I’m still 30. My brain thinks it but every day when I look in the mirror I go yuck – another wrinkle! My hair is starting to thin along my forehead. My skin is starting to get that crepe paper feel to it. I’m not 30 anymore. But the heart has no age. It gets bigger and it lets in more people. You can love someone and it doesn’t exclude another person and kick him out. You know, Mike and I have been married for quite a few years. We love each other. I know how much he loves me, because what we have now is far beyond the physical. We have friendship, the caring, the conversation, we have the same interests, I love to cook for him, and I know he loves me and I can count on him being there. What I want is for you to do -eventually – after you get your life together — find a woman and have a family – and if she did anything to hurt you she’d have to deal with me! lol. You deserve to have a full relationship with someone while you are still young enough to enjoy it

Mike is finally starting to understand my relationship with you. He watched a movie about a man in prison for life. This man, growing up, every day his father beat him and told him he did it because he loved him, so he learned that love was about how much pain he could make people feel. He grew up and become a very angry man. He killed a woman and child. In prison he was contacted by the woman’s mother and over time they developed a relationship. The man said, “For the first time I knew what love was. This woman should hate me for what I did. He cried”. He was speaking directly to the camera and cried.  I looked at Mike and said to him, “Do you understand now?” (meaning you) He said, “Yes, that is why I showed you this.” His attitude about prisoners – once a loser, always a loser – was wrong. He knows that now. You can’t automatically decide someone isn’t worth it just because they are sitting in a prison cell. You are human, and I couldn’t care less that you are in prison, as far as judging you as a person. It doesn’t affect how I feel about you. And Mike, my husband, is not worried about my relationship with you. Why – because he understands the value of our relationship – his and mine – and yours and mine.

download
http://eepurl.com/bZ8e71

tap this link to pull up the form to subscribe. If that doesn’t work, paste it into your browser -Thanks!

http://facebook.com/jamielifeinprison . . .Blog posts and news about injustice in the world

Sonni’s Pinterest

Sonni Quick Music Career Over 40 Years

Sonni Quick over the last 40 years

 

mail.hover.com
Sonni Today in 2016

There is no way I could add all the promo pictures and bands I worked with over the years. I also taught piano through most of these years as well. If I stay lucky and have at least another 20 years to  compose, knowing the older the you get the more experience you have.  As long as arthritis leaves my hands alone I’m going to be kicking butt somewhere. I won’t go down easy.

white piano
Yamaha DGX – the keyboard I use to record today.  It is at standing level.  I prefer to move up and down the keyboard as I play instead of sitting in one place. It has the capacity to record six tracks with 225 different musical voices. I can send music directly into a computer program after I record or onto a stick.
piano-guitar
1978
Sonni Piano
Hyatt Regency Houston 1980

Some pieces have being eliminated because of sound quality. I have a much better way of recording. I can sit and play like this for hours and never play the same thing twice. Everything is improvised. I’m considering gigging again. I gave up playing in piano bars 12 years ago. I started in 1974 and moved on to fronting bands in 1981 and later, in the 90’s began to only teach. In 2000, in Key West I began playing as a solo artist again but later became to sick to play. Through all these I continued to teach and compose and had other “careers” in between. I regret I never had a chance to play with my son Robo who is one hell of a keyboard player – the fastest left hand I’ve ever seen.

biz card
Biz card – artwork hand done – 2’by 1’approx – before computers 1985
photo-5
Edison 1984  Popular top 40 band in Denver, Co

Now at the ripe old age of . . . older than my grandchildren, my desire to write and perform burns a hole inside me. I have always believed if a dream comes to life inside it is there for a reason, so follow it. It is why I have done everything I’ve done in my life that has taken me to many different places ( and gave my kids a very unstable childhood, but they learned not to except the status quo or care about what other people think about they decided to do.) Go for it. We only remember one life.

sonni oval
Los Angeles 1982

 

So when my book is published – it is in the first round of editing – then I think I need to find a way to fit in one gig a week – find a nice restaurant that appreciates beautiful music playing while people socialize. Years ago I swore I’d never play another piano bar. They bored me. This is another time in my life. I’ve played many piano bars, from the Hyatt Regency in Houston to the Bahia Mar on Padre Island to La Te Da’s in Key West.

 

 

Soundcloud allows easier access for people who don’t follow the blog, but see it advertised in other places. I’ve taken off most of the duplicate music but left ones that are still found on earlier blog posts. Soundcloud also allows me better access to to stats to see what is being listened to and which ones are liked better. Older blog posts will still direct you here but new posts will only play soundcloud tracks.

Scattered through out the blog you will find many of these music pieces. These are all original

music

improvisations. “Inside the Forbidden Outside” Is the title of the book I’m writing about Jamie Cummings. I’ve been working on it for 1 1/2 years. Writing this while keeping up my 2 blogs has been work than I thought it would be. Marketing it takes another bundle of time. I would like to be able to offer this music in some way with the book when it is ready. It is the heart – the emotion that came from writing. The sadness of understanding what life is like for someone on the inside when the people you love don’t take the time to show they remember you are there. Find out what real loneliness feels like. This music is my sadness for him.

You can get on the mailing list for the new ITFO Newsletter – the initials for the name of the book –  by going  here http://eepurl.com/bZ8e71  (You may have to put the link in the browser until I figure out why it won’t link) It is a newsletter about the prison industry and the inmates inside.  It is a part of this country that needs to change. You can reach me directly at: squick@mynameisjamie.net. For the first three days after publication I will give out free ebooks through Kindle at Amazon, only asking that you please leave a review. You will know ahead of time when that happens. Reviews sell books. Money earned through this will help me help Jamie. If I already have your address and want to write a review just send a msg. The notice will be in the monthly newsletter I’ve started. I’ve been promoting early go grow an email list.  I hoping to have it for sale before the end of the year.

This page has been being changed over to http://soundcloud.com/sonni-quick All new pieces are there, not here.. But still, this is part of my history and every piece was written for a reason.

This music is copyrighted. Please do not use it for ANY reason other than for your own listening. You may only share it with proper credit and a link back to the original site. Thank you.

Second Time Around – by Sonni Quick. Copyright 2015

The Fallen – by Sonni Quick copyright. 2015

Lost Loveby Sonni Quick. Copyright 2015

Yester Daysby Sonni Quick copyright 2015

Taking Back What They Took Awayby Sonni Quick copyright 2015

And The Rain Beginsby Sonni Quick copyright 2015

Jamie by Sonni Quick copyright 2014

Pure Painby Sonni Quick copyright 2015

Something Was by Sonni Quick copyright 2015

I‘m Sorry by Sonni Quick copyright 2015

Missing Daughterby Sonni Quick copyright 2015

Blindfolded Painby Sonni Quick copyright 2015

Forgotten Tears by Sonni Quick copyright 2014

I’m Doneby Sonni Quick copyright 2015

Wondering Whyby Sonni Quick copyright 2015

Hopeby Sonni Quick copyright 2015

[/audio

sonni 2015
today – and no I don’t dye my hair

 

 

 

feel the rain               

 

This piece was written for the book I’m writing of the same title. It is the longing of being on the inside looking out. You can find first draft copies of some of the chapters written in the blog post written before this. I would honestly like your opinion of what has been written.

Inside The Forbidden Outside      by Sonni Quick  copyright 2016

INSIDE THE FORBIDDEN OUTSIDE

Inside the forbidden outside
Looking out through only one side
Never feel the sun through the other side
Never feel it on my skin
I want to feel the breeze of the wind
Feel the grass beneath my feet
See the sunset when the light meets
the earth and sinks beneath

Inside the forbidden outside
Where nothing is for real
I have to close my eyes and think
To remember how life feels
I’ll never take for granted
That things, like rain, are free
I’ll never lose another day
When freedom comes to me

Outside looking inside
Looking through the other side
Never see the world through my eyes
Never live your life like me
Don’t take your life for granted
Don’t take the chance to lose
The touch of grass beneath your feet
or the freedom . . .to choose


 

Jamie’s Facebook
Page
. . .Blog posts and news about injustice in the world

latest chapter for Inside the Forbidden Outside with a list of previous chapters inside. Sonni’s Side Of The Story – part one

Sonni’s Pinterest Boards
Sonni’s Other Piano Music

There Are No Happy Holidays in Prison

glitter-graphics.com

My husband said he couldn’t sleep at all xstmas eve because Santa’s reindeer were all over our roof trying to find a chimney that didn’t exist, so he didn’t get any sleep. But outside the front door Santa left 3 packages wrapped up in typing paper and heavy packing tape – gummy worms, twizzlers and Reese’s Peanut Butter cups.      He lovingly put them under the tree for me and then WOKE ME UP OUT OF A DEAD SLEEP to take me by the hand out to the tree, trying not to laugh! It was so worth it!

It’s almost the ends of the year. So much can happen in such a short period of time. It’s hard to believe is the end of December. For everyone who follows this blog and anyone who drops in from time to time, you have my sincere thanks. It has been what encourages me to keep going.                                                                                                                                                   This isn’t a “happy” blog. There are no happy holidays in prison and no happy birthdays or happy anything – that we take for granted and say so easily without even thinking about it. We say it even when we don’t mean it because it’s just something to say. And the little star you can check to say you like a post, or twitter who just changed their like button to a heart to indicate emotion – you loved it. Believe it or not that is why they changed it. But how do you “like” a blog post if it isn’t about something likable? depressing even. How about a button to indicate if you thought what it said was important?

Here I was today having xstmas with my family, everyone gathered for dinner, with music playing ( not my music because except for my mother, my immediate family has never heard me play in my entire adult life and has shown no interest in doing so) and gifts given out. My mother didn’t want me to talk about anything of importance to me, just play along and pretend we’re a happy family. So I did. That kinda takes the subject down to other people’s jobs or the weather.

I couldn’t talk about what I do. Too depressing for family gatherings, although I don’t see them at any other time except a very occasional family gathering. Tomorrow everyone is driving to one sister’s house to have xstmas with her family, but I wasn’t invited to that gathering. Anyone else have a dysfunctional family? It really sucks. But oh well, that’s life. Overall, I think my mother was happy and that was most important. She put a lot of effort into making food.

So tomorrow I will do what I always do – start working when I wake until I fall asleep at the computer in the middle of the night, working on a new chapter for my book, or finishing another piece of music and poetry, working on all the necessary, time consuming social networking, letter writing to all my “boys” in prison with words of encouragement, and maybe(?) do a load of laundry.

Other people who haven’t been to my blogs can find my music at that website by using the hash tags #piano music or #original piano or #improvisational piano, so it widens my reach. But if YOU go it also increases the stats. Leave a comment? Even better. People listen to things they see other people have listened to. They can also find out about the blog there. Self promoting is hard work. There are also many other artists there and you can create playlists. Established artists and unknowns.

Peace and love and I hope you have happy holidays to remember.

http://facebook.com/jamielifeinprison . . .Blog posts and news about injustice in the world

http://soundcloud.com/sonni-quick
Original Improvised Piano Music